Doctor faces Marriage-Buster: What should s/he do?

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September 8, 2014 | 32 Comments

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  1. Taper SLOWLY off of the psych meds. These drugs cause reckless behavior, alcohol cravings, tolerance (where you go into withdrawal ON the drug), dependence and horrific withdrawal and they change your brain and thus who you are and how you behave and feel and think and act.

    Get the liquid Zoloft and come off NO MORE than 10% (or less, depending on what your body can handle percentage wise in reductions- some can handle only 2.5%-5% w/ each “cut”) of your CURRENT dose every 2-6 weeks, listening to the body and not reducing again until the withdrawal effects from the previous reduction have worn off.

  2. Hi there, I was on an old time medicine after trying many over the course of 16 years. I finally found one that worked called Ellavil, or amytriptyline as a generic. It worked! I was managed! But I still struggled with the Major Depression and BPD..it made it easier to hide it..and then one day I felt strong..after a series of unfortunate events, I went off on a BPD episode, fr lack of a better way to put it, I felt like I could finally make the life i wanted…and I left a 24 year marriage. WHAT A MISTAKE. I ended up dealing with abandonment myself, after abandoning my marriage.

    I took 500 of the ellavil, because they said it would eventually shut down my kidneys. I had that many because i was overprescribed and they were always saying they may have to take me off the one drug that worked for me. …well, everything shut down except for my kidneys and my brain and heart and I am now trying to sort out what is the fallout of years on the med – 100+ weight gain, loss of teeth due to dry mouth from the med, and now what look to be kidney problems.. I had tried Zoloft and almost lost my job due to being a walking zombie at work..it was one that didnt work for me..My search for meds went on between the years of 1983-1996, I have lots of insight into drugs that were new and some that were old from those years. am happy to help discuss if you find it helpful..I am now med free and struggling..

    • I pray you get better… prayer for myself helps when I am feeling down…sort of a spiritual surrender to the moment (all we have–a series of moments) I gave up worry years ago (no profit in it-doesn’t help, only wastes valuable time wastes time/energy). I try to be more to be more aware and accepting of what is happening in the moment–e.g learning to relax/meditate. “When you remove the world from your shoulders you notice it doesn’t drop.” Things that help: Walking, riding my bike, reading, watching less and less TV (I do not have cable/network) just Netflix. I rarely watch any news –if I can’t fix something I don’t want to get involved. I do write letters now and then to elected officials, but since there is little I can personally do about most news I just pick one or two things that are of interest to me–to care about or support. I don’t like to be alone all the time so I found a group to play “pickle ball” with –a bit like tennis. I also quit eating things that are bad for me–like ice cream, pastry, and most candy, which spike your blood sugar level. Also less and less coffee and not much alcohol–very rarely and only one drink. LOTS of B-Vitamins. I read that suicides were found to have very low amounts of magnesium in their body, so I take a good mineral supplement I find going to plays, or hiking or walking along the ocean make me happiest–along with visiting with my children, teaching myself to do watercolors. Finding simple things to make me happy and improve my physical health is my goal. Hope this helps. I wish you the best.

    • Were all of the antidepressants hard to come of off? Which meds were easier to taper from without anxiety and depression, or brain zaps?

    • My wife was struggling with depression. She got on Zoloft. I saw her go manic . She said she did not love me anymore. She had not swore or drank in all the years I knew her. She went from a Christian to a total non believer. Left me in two months. Her whole personality and character and all her values changed then she divorced me. Could Zoloft change a loving wife of 18 years into a total monster?

      • Joel,
        I hope you get this comment. I have found your post and am having the same issues with my wife at the moment. Unexplainable change in who she is in the last 4 months. She went from I have an issue with you as a husband to I want a divorce in 4 weeks.

        We have been married for 17 years and have 5 children.I really need to speak with someone that has a similar story. I am really concerned. Thanks.

        • Hey Aaron I know what your going through. my now ex wife is a different person. Contact me at hoppejd65@gmail .com. zoloft and depression changed my loving wife into someone I dont even Know.

          • Hi Joel. I’m experiencing strange behavior from my partner as well and it makes me so confused. I feel so bad for him. I love him but he’s unable to show love, affection or time with me. Its very stressful. I will send you a note.

        • Joel,

          I pray this is not to late for you and your family. I have been happily married to the love of my life and college sweetheart for over 20 years, she stayed home and homeschooled our four children. she was the epitome of a good Christian woman! Then about four months ago our doctor prescribed Zoloft to help with some of her mood swings associated with pre-menopause. At first, things were great, then she turned into a completely different person that I would never recognize. she started sneaking around and lying, started an emotional affair with the person she met at the gym. Thank God I found the text she did not delete before things got too far.

          I am not given her any excuses for what she did, but who she became on Zoloft was so out of character and someone I never seen or met before. I truly believe, for the sake of working through and saving our marriage, that Zoloft caused her to go into a manic state. We slowly decrease the Zoloft and is almost off it altogether. As the dose started going down, she started feeling more and more like herself again.

          She cannot understand why she did what she did, we have a happy marriage, we love each other we do tons of things together. She said it didn’t make sense, but she could not control herself, she said it felt like she wasn’t even herself. She knew it was wrong, she knew she would get caught, but she couldn’t control her actions.

          Again not giving her excuses what she did to her family, but it’s so out of character for 20 years, that I truly believe Zoloft completely changed her. I’m glad she was willing to stop it so we can work through this and for her to try to regain my trust. I hope I can!

        • My wife left me for another man in April 2018 after taking sertraline after 16 years together, happy and loving relationship with very minor issues. She started taking it In January of the same year and within four weeks she told me she didn’t love me anymore. Started having an affair in March and walked out in April saying she loves this other man. Mail me at sir.andy@hotmail.co.uk the story is identical

          • I have found myself in this thread searching for answers as my husband has done the same thing to me. In less than a month he has decided he is no longer happy and he met somebody new. We have been happily together for 9 years with a beautiful child. He met someone and in 5 days he decided this is what he wants. I am completely broken I know this man loves me and our daughter I know there is no way you can change that much in such a short amount of time, he is not empathetic or allowing himself time to think this through. He believes Zoloft opened his eyes. I don’t know how to help him see.

    • My faithful wife of 18 years went on Zoloft for depression. She went from never drinking to happy hour all the time from Christian to non believer from never a cuss word in 20 years to open profanity. She said she no longer loved me and became very with drawn and divorced me without any emotional feelings. Do you feel this is do to the Zoloft. Her whole personality and character changed.

    • My wife left me suddenly after getting on Zoloft. We had spent 18 years together with Two kids. She said she no longer loved me and just up and divorced me. I saw her personality and character change. She went from never drinking to happy hour all the time. She went from a Christian to a agnostic. I had not heard a cuss word out of her in the 20 years I knew her until she got on the Zoloft. Will she ever come back to normal? Is this the Zoloft causing this?

  3. I know what this man may be going through. He’s on the downward spiral – he will end up on his own with just his alcohol if he is not careful maybe a few convictions thrown into the mix, if his lucky enough to survive it all. I’ve seen it happen to a few people but it has also happened to me. Firstly the SSRIS are very deceptive they can make you feel detached, over confident and emotionally numb (this is where the “I don’t give a fuck drug” nick name comes from). You wont be aware its having that effect on you, you will just think everything is great so its pointless being asked by your Dr how you feel because you will just tell him everything is fine, the Dr’s are just as clueless as you. You will also find along side all those effects you have an immense urge to go out socializing but what your not aware of either is that you are actually suffering from the intense cravings for alcohol side effect as well. You will end up taking very dangerous risks because of the combination, this will just get worse and worse until something gives. Its a very dangerous trap to get caught up in. My friend got it right when she said to me it was like you were stuck on a runaway train, you can only get off if someone shows you how or you wait for it to crash. Relationship losses are sadly all part of it, he needs someone to show him this website it might help him realise before its too late.

  4. Yes, this will not lead to anything good.
    Some kind of intervention could of course save both John, Jane and their marriage.
    But as far as John sees, that marriage has no emotional draw anymore, but I doubt he can explain why!

    I too share alot with John, even some of the attributes he had Before medication.

    The inability to see yourself what is actually happening, and I do not know what external force could make a man like John see it either.

    For some of us, when on SSRI, we loose all sorts of emotions. Love, sadness, anger, excitement, sorrow, happiness. Our emotions goes to ‘null’, they become nothing.
    Whilst other emotions gets distorted, sexual behaviour, alcohol abuse, violent tendencies, loss of empathy.

    It is all a misinterpretation of what the medication does to a human.
    The doctor cannot see it because he denies it can ever happen.
    The patient don’t know to look for signs and what signs to look for.
    The spouse is kept in the dark by not being able to see the Changes that may occur gradually!

    This could be the ingredients for a marriage split up, or even something far, far worse.

  5. These drugs are being prescribed, no matter the cost to families and marriages. Children’s lives are being drastically effected and destroyed because of lazy doctoring. Therapy, exercise and therapy are the only acceptable forms of treatment for depression or anxiety. Anyone willing to take any SSRI IS COMPLETELY SELFISH.

  6. My wife and I had a wonderful marriage for 18 years. She was experiencing depression, her mother died in 2015 her dad is getting ready to remarry. She started Zoloft and I saw change in 1st week.. I saw her personality change and in Two weeks she told me she no longer loved me. With in Two months She moved out. She never cursed or drank in the 20 years I knew her. Her whole character changed . She started going to happy hour drinking and cussing. She is now divorcing me with no emotional pain or feelings. . She was a Christian that loved God , now she does not believe in God.. There is no question in my mind this medication ruined our marriage.

    • Joel I am in Australia – I feel very sad for what has happened to you and I hope there is some pathway you can find to get back with your wife. Meds are a disaster and I despise doctors that can change lives at the flick of a pen.
      Stay strong – buy a ukulele, enjoy your time.

  7. Can going off lexapro after many years cause a personality change? They have been off since March but feelings have changed while coming off

  8. My wife of 17 years suddenly said it was over after I found out she was having an affair after she started taking zoloft. We have four kids and she has no emotion and feels not human at times. She only cares about when iam gonna take the kids so she can go out and drink. I love her so much we have been together since middle school. The signs were there I just didnt see them there was a point when she would say she didnt know who she was anymore and she needed to find herself. I’m devastated at this point in my life and my kids are the ones who suffer most. I pray I will find a way to bring her back

    • I feel your pain Brandon . Zoloft ruined my marriage. I had a beautiful family and loving wife. She battled depression. When she got on Zoloft her whole personality and character changed. She started doing and acting in ways I had never seen. There needs to get enough people together to sue these drug manufacturers for destroying there families.

    • Brandon…

      Your story describes perfectly what I am experiencing. My wife has changed significantly since June of 2020. Wife of 17 years with 5 kids. She has lost her love for nearly everything she has loved most of her life. She is describing falling out of love, detachment, and desired separation. She has checked out as a mother on duties and is like an entirely different person after these meds. Sertraline. I don’t know how to describe it but her family has seen the change and see that she doesn’t want to be around them anymore. I am really concerned and looking to speak with others about what they tried.

      Thanks,
      Aaron

  9. My husband started taking Zoloft about a month ago and told me just a week ago he wants a divorce. No emotion. Just a few days before he told me he wanted a divorce he was sweet and loving and affectionate like he’s always been. But then suddenly it all changed. My heart is breaking and my kids are hurt and I don’t know what I can do to help him because he won’t even talk to me. How can this man I’ve been married to for 10 years go from an intimate, loving and very emotional person to cold, distant and emotionless. I can’t believe this is happening.

    • Beth,

      Same same same. However this is with my wife. No tears or emotions. Just stone cold. She went from let’s work it out with some counseling to saying I am not going to counseling in a week. 17 years, 5 kids. She gets hostile and leaves if I try to speak with her about us or what I see. This ends up reinforcing her beliefs that she fell out of love in 4 months. But her actions and posts on social just before that says she is having the best life in the worlds. This happened so fast and I can see what’s about to happen and I will do anything to help her out. Reach out to me. Thanks.

  10. I am going through this right now. My husband of 7 years and 2 kids started taking lexapro a month ago and has gone from the most caring loving sweet guy into a mean emotionless robot. he says that when he thinks of the kids and i he just feels nothing all of a sudden. lierally a week prior to the meds starting he was telling me he loved me more than anyone in the world and were gonna grow old together. i got him to lower his dose 6 days ago and i feel like he is a little better but definitely not completely…hes stll pretty mean and detached right now. i wish i knew how long it takes for the side effects to go away completely.

  11. I am glad I come across this post, I am in the same boat been with my partner for 22 years and have a wonderful 7 year old boy, I went through a complete break down 6 years ago to go through the same thing, walked out on my wife, was cold detached from realty and had no care in the world who I hurt, after being diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar I was taken of the antidepressants and my life started to get back on track. Now I am watching my wife spiral out of control she started on sertraline around 2 years ago and our relationship has slowly gotten worse over time, the doctor told her to take 75mg to reduce from 100mg by taking 50mg one day then 100mg the next and continue this, this started around 3 months ago and she has now a completely different woman, we where working things out but then one day walked in and told me I need to leave, she wants to be separated and no longer loves me but hates me, don’t want to be around me and has no emotions towards me, I was suspicious of her having an affair as she has been messaging a guy from work, when I confronted her on this she would get angry and then blame me for checking up on her and being stupid and it’s all in my head, I eventually caught her messaging him and found the messages and confirmed that there was sexual messages/pictures involved however she says nothing has happened, she thinks nothing is wrong and there friends having a laugh, she don’t seem to care or know what she wants when I say is this what you want 100% she says she is not sure, after saying I will stay to work this out if she removes this person from the equation but she is telling me she don’t know if she wants to or get help and won’t listen when I try to explain what these drugs are doing, I am trying to hold on heart broken as I am now worried that she is so cut off that she will do something that there is no going back from.
    I feel helpless and not sure what to do.

  12. I’m so discouraged. I think this is a wonderful website for everyone to vent & relate, but no answers.

    My 16 year old teen daughter started on Sertraline Zoloft for anxiety & although it did help her calm the anxiety & depression, in a matter of just 2 weeks her personality changed & for the worse!. My sweet, loving girl started to act cold & numb towards her father & I.

    If I asked her to do something like watch her sister while I went to the grocery store, she would lash out at me daily. If we corrected her for being disrespectful, she would tell us to shut up & walk away, or she would scream & curse & call us bad parents & other ugly names, disrespect us & sometimes try to physically hurt me. My daughter never did these things before Zoloft. She was a sweet, kind, smart, loving, quiet, shy girl!

    I don’t know what to do. We can’t live this way. I despise her pediatrician for recommending Zoloft. I feel like all the SSRI drugs out there might be a plot to destroy families, because I keep reading over & over how they yes, help anxiety & depression, but then destroy relationships! That is not a good trade!!! And yes, if Dr asks patient how she feels, she says great, because she can’t see the changes. God help us!!!!!

    • Why don’t you stop her drug?
      Ideally record her behaviour before and after – might take some weeks off

      David

  13. As I read your stories I have tears running down my cheeks. I lost my faience whom I was with 12 years and knew her since kindergarten. I know this women better than myself. She was experiencing depression because of her kids who had been in some trouble. I saw a change with less than 2 weeks. She changed into someone I don’t know. We were so close and in love. She mentally abused me saying horrible things. It destroyed our sex life which was incredible. She stopped talking about God. We texted everyday for 12 years pretty much all day. We went from that to her saying don’t text me anymore! Do come by work for lunch I don’t have time she said. She used to ask me a couple times a week to come by for lunch. I’m a musician and we shared the love of music. She loved country and a couple of bands she loved big time. Within a month she told me You know I don’t like country music it gets on my nerves !! She lied and cheated on me. Her relationship with my family was perfect especially with my daughter and mom. When she left and moved in with a guy she barley knew she has never spoken to me or my family again. It’s been a year and 4 months. It’s ruined me. I’m afraid of love now. My doctor recommended I take an antidepressant!!!!! You couldn’t force me to take that poison with a gun to my head. I 100% blame the drug/poison!! I have 2 old phones and one I use full of loving text messages until she took that crap then it all changed. I’m devastated. I feel betrayed and cheated. I don’t know if she will ever go back to normal or not but a lot of damage was done by a once kind loving amazing beautiful Christain women I knew my whole life. I almost ended my life but my daughter called me just when I was going to do it and saved me . She still doesn’t know. God made her call me !! I could go on and on about the change. I pray for all of you going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone ever. Im forever broken hearted over this. Something has to be done about this junk before more lives are ruined. Thank you chris

  14. I don’t think primary care or general practitioners should be allowed to prescribe medication for mental health. I believe a person should see a professional provider and after multiple sessions and only IF talking isn’t enough then MAYBE try meds.
    A lot can be helped by talking.
    My husband of 20+yrs was on Zoloft for a short period of time and whenever we would have a disagreement he’d say “We should just get divorced.” Divorce was his answer to everything. He switched councilors and his new Dr. took him off that crap. We still have disagreements but at least now divorce isn’t his answer to fix things. I pray for each and every one of you and your families.

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