Editorial: This is the first of four posts by Krista Hartmann
I am a real Unicorn, something whose existence is suspect, rarely sighted, and discussed even less…by the psychiatric industry, who are, ironically, my creators. My existence throws a wrench into their meta-narrative; truths inscribed on everlasting stone tablets…. until the next edition of tablets descend from the mountaintop as…. truths inscribed on everlasting…..well, you get the idea. It’s awkward for them.
I’m the girl that ‘ran the table’; safely, painfully withdrawn off over a decade of neurotoxins, abandonment of a “chronic, acute, life-long” bipolar 1 diagnosis, and decertification of an additional SMI designation…with the paperwork to prove it; a psychiatric trifecta. It did not drop out of the sky with a note of apology or explanation. After 11 years and a degree of suffering and loss that I never thought would find me in this life, I was medically ‘compromised’ so egregiously (again) that my options became binary; make them erase it all and give me written evidence, followed by running for my life, or…. run for my life.
I went from a 2004 bipolar 1 diagnosis (ICD-9, 296.42), result of the bipolar “gold rush” years, and a NOS Anxiety state (ICD-9, 300.00) to a final exit diagnosis of Unspecified Mood Disorder (ICD-10, F39) and Unspecified Anxiety Disorder (ICD-10, F41.9) in 2015. I said I was fine with both as I was outraged, sick, and fearful during the 2.5 years it took to conclude. My exit doctor and I agreed it was a rational, appropriate response to having been put in harm’s way for over a decade.
Privately, I likened it to having toilet paper stuck to my shoe leaving a filthy gas station bathroom; they couldn’t let me leave as they found me; untainted.
The diagnosis and certification were ‘disappeared’ by the CMO/VP psychiatric MD of the largest MH provider in my state. I had been his only patient for over 2 years as he guided me safely out of his industry; thoroughly and quietly. As he had been complicit in the psychotropic dumpster-fire that put me in mortal danger (again) AND was poised to ascend to his company’s corporate offices, it was the smart play. I also believe his ethics were somewhat challenged when he listened to me clearly elucidate the timeline and evidence regarding my diagnosis, history of ‘care’ in the industry, and his clinic’s long, troubling involvement.
And then Poof, it was gone as if it had never happened.
Not for me: I had been in a relationship with an iconic, respected billionaire; lied to, beaten up, isolated, hospitalized, threatened with death, and wooed back with promises of improved relations and restored trust, while drugged…for 11 years. I had nowhere to go for help; there were no ‘safe-houses’ or support systems to address what was being done to me. I had no credibility and was advised by all to ‘stay the course, for my own good’. No one challenged the billionaire. There was nothing left to take, as it had all been stripped from me; worldly goods, my former excellent health-body and soul, any sense of safety, and my identity; who I was, at 53 years old.
It was replaced with a morbidly obese, stress-eczema plagued, balding, palsied, sickly thing with facial tics; gulping for breath while staggering down the hallway, afraid of every single day and what new hell it would bring me.
In 2013, another casual horror managed to rouse me from my dissociative fugue state (thanks DSM!), saturating me in adrenaline, fueling a primal response; fight AND flee.
Just a note: I viewed the use of seeming hyperbole in my ‘former’ life as melodramatic hand-wringing and easily dismissed. I hadn’t experienced too many difficulties in life, just the usual, and was old enough to be grateful for it. I thought I had a balanced perspective regarding the highs and lows along the way. This experience changed everything, including my vocabulary, introducing me to language common in psychiatry; suffering, despair, depression, trust, betrayal, fear, and much more. Ironically, it was language that was also instrumental in saving me.
The industry had to know that sooner or later someone like me would turn up, happy to put them on blast on a subject that psychiatry refers to as the ‘possibility of misdiagnoses’ (never ‘false’) as if it’s purely hypothetical, ‘has never, could never, would never happen’….and the absence of protocol to clean up the mess when it did. More to the point “Who’s going to believe a mentally ill patient? We’re the unchallenged medical and legal authority on this subject and we declared her…mentally ill”. Full Stop.
They already knew what I came to learn; credibility was the first victim of a mental health diagnosis, the industry’s faux outrage at stigma notwithstanding.
A review of the data addressing the explosion in diagnoses following the publication of the DSM-IV (1995) and its expansion of criteria for bipolar, corresponding with pharma’s blanketing the DSM publishers (APA), their members, and every remora fish attached to their carcass with truckloads of cash, is now viewed as irrefutably damning. Coupled with a master-class marketing blitz effectively ‘normalizing’ bipolar, newly approved drugs, and ‘re-branding’ older stockpiles, it was a fait accompli. When you bribe psychiatrists to create a “lifelong” customer base with contrived diagnoses resulting in “lifelong” prescriptions….well, you have to tip your hat. Who was going to stop them? It was genius, breaking profit records in any drug category for over a decade that included factoring in the record-breaking fines pharma paid to the government for the damage the drugs did to people who should never have taken them, but were prescribed nonetheless. The ‘risk/reward’ was built into the economic paradigm; no problem. There was that much money.
I was in the wrong place at one of the most dangerous times in psychiatric history; surgical lobotomies win every time, mine was chemical.
I have found one other individual who shares this situation. He’s a Harvard grad, a former Navy and United pilot, who was diagnosed the same year as I was (2004), remaining in that “lifelong” diagnosis for 10 years (like me), was ‘re-defined’ and is now suing the VA for $35 million. I do not speak for him whatsoever, but… Yippee.
I’m a chatty monkey about this subject at every opportunity. I view it as a PSA, countering what the APA, NAMI, MHA and all the other incestuous alphabets serve up as gospel…….simply because they say so.
This essay’s purpose is to share what I learned along the way about language and ‘mirroring’, self-control while drugged, and studying who my adversary was….their motivation, intent, and vulnerabilities, being effective in my tactics to fulfill my strategy.
It concerns redefining the relationship between the industry (service providers) and the patient (client) that is collaborative, not parental. It is a complete repudiation of Plato’s ‘Noble Lie’.
It might assist people who are having doubts about their diagnosis’s credibility and the hypocrisy of a ‘healing’ philosophy and ostensible expertise in human behavior whose written and spoken rhetoric, combined with their actions are always painfully contradictory, textbook Catch-22; troubling behaviors pervasive in the experts on behavioral health.
This essay can serve as a tool to use if you are in the system and feel that you lack power; the relationship has successfully infantilized you and you have no voice.
Figuring out how to get out on my terms using their tactics was the most important thing I would ever do.
If I ran without the vacation of my diagnosis, it would always be ‘open’ in my records and that could potentially affect any traffic accident large or small, any legal issues, self-determination as I aged, and my will after I’m dead. Self-withdrawal-gone-bad presented the frightening seizure, coma, death scenario…or… reporting to an ER would ensure I would never get out and result in more drugs, institutionalization and death. None of these options were acceptable and my brain could not, would not accept one more pill.
The frightening, formidable DSM notwithstanding, Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” became my bible.
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles”
Or… “You either win or you learn” Michael Jordan.
I was going to do both.
Continued in Changing a Medical Record 2
Spruce says
This is all old news to me.
Not only can they put things on your medical record that can be used as a way to invalidate your credibility, but they can also change your medical record at a later date in such a way that will suit their agenda and / or to question your credibility.
I have experienced this first hand when I made a complaint against AWP that spanned many years. It became apparent near the end of the complaint process that there was an entry by another psychiatrist (a record that was NOT present when I originally requested my medical records) that claimed I had complained to him of all the sexual problems that I have a short while prior to ever being prescribed Citalopram. I swear on my life I had none of the sexual problems before being prescribed Citalopram.
This entry in my record was then given to the PHSO who decided based on this record that my sexual problems were “pre existing” to me taking citalopram and they used this as another factor to claim my sexual problems were not caused by Citalopram.
The health trust also sent the PHSO a study from the Czech Republic which stated people with OCD had a higher rate of sexual problems than the general population. The PHSO concluded that my sexual problems could have been caused by OCD. I.e blaming the illness for the sexual problems.
I had no sexual problems caused to me by OCD. I know my body.
It’s funny how all of the problems started on the day I took citalopram, and that sexual dysfunction is one of the most common side effects of SSRI’s, and also that my sexual problems fit with the sexual dysfunction caused by SSRI’s, I.e genital anaesthesia.
But no matter what I said the PHSO referred to the “other factors” that could be involved. He always used to describe the “other factors” in this really annoyingly calm smug voice, that made me want to smash my phone off the floor.
My SEAP advocate (NHS complaints advocate) told me he has been involved with a number of cases where medical records have been changed or altered by health organisations during a complaint process, and he also told me he knows of a number of cases where SEAP were able to prove that this had happened. He said it was more common than you think.
Do not think for one moment that the NHS or health organisations will play fair with you when you try to bring to their attention the damage that has been done to you by prescription drugs.
They can go to great lengths to stifle any complaint you have, no matter how legitimate it is.
I don’t even have the time and energy to go into all the nasty tactics that were used against me when I dared to complain that I had developed PSSD or about the severe benzodiazepine withdrawal I went through when I was withdrawn off benzodiazepine too quickly. I have gone into some of them in previous comments. It was so extensive, that I could spend all day writing about it.
Also AWP were actually caught altering and falsefying a lot of medical records in October 2013. It even made the points west local news.
This is knowledge that is available to anyone. It is a FACT that they have been caught altering and changing medical records!
I actually found the whole process of going through the complaint and all the nastiness I experienced almost worse than the PSSD and benzodiazepine withdrawal. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted by the end of it. I really don’t know if I could go through it again.
After years of trying to get some form of justice for what had happened to me, the complaint came to nothing, with the final response from the Ombudsman being something along the lines of ” The health organisation has done nothing wrong”. Even though there was strong evidence to the contrary.
I tried to appeal but that came to nothing. I pointed out in my appeal how offensive I found the closing statement by the PHSO, but they didn’t comment on this.
And guess what happened to the psychiatrist I had complained about after he had been cleared of any wrong doing by the PHSO. He was promoted to the highest position at the local mental health unit by the AWP trust (I heard about this from my MIND advocate).
While my life was left in ruins.
annie says
This is a cool piece of writing…Pegasus …
Toilet paper analogy…bit like David, saying, ‘where even the toilet paper was marked confidential’ in Pfizer’s archives.
https://davidhealy.org/burn-baby-burn/
And then Poof, it was gone as if it had never happened.
You were fighting ‘two’ billionaires..
‘credibility was the first victim of a mental health diagnosis’
‘This essay’s purpose is to share what I learned along the way about language and ‘mirroring’, self-control while drugged, and studying who my adversary was….their motivation, intent, and vulnerabilities, being effective in my tactics to fulfill my strategy.’
I really had hoped that I was doing exactly the same thing, but, regrettably, in Scotland, it all failed miserably and ‘poof’ it was gone…awesome post No.1.
…
susanne says
Reply from an Ombudsman in England some years ago after the usual smarmy pseudo polite opening which drives people crazy – (actual words) ‘you could discuss all this with the Quakers, they’re good at this kind of thing’. Bizarre or what? – When challenged he refused to answer. One psychiatrist who had a complaint raised against her was actually sitting on the GMC panel when the complaint was first raised. They kept that quiet until it was discovered then stated that she had decided to remove herself from the panel. ie not even that she had been required to resign. Now pontificates on – ethics.
Carla says
I can’t believe that some professionals can do this to some people.
I mentioned that anyone who takes antidepressants, already has a label placed on them however, when an adverse reaction takes place, as a result of ingesting these meds, I already know the ‘death sentence’ that some professionals place on vulnerable patients.
In this day and age, one would think that doing the right thing, is the best thing!
When an incorrect label is put on someone, you not only ruin their lives you put the ‘seed of doubt’ about someone, into all minds ~ this is a travesty of JUSTICE!
I always question the integrity/validity of our health care system and the people in leadership who are supposed to have the safety of our well-being, at heart.
It seems that looking out for your bro, is a ‘dirty thing’ to do.
Everything, seems so screwed up today when you try to do the right thing and if some professionals seem to believe that they can do whatever they want, what hope do people have when they put in a complaint and they have to have their version of the story tainted with lies and misconceptions.
When an incorrect label is placed on someone, it would most likely be very hard to undo.
The damage is already done and for some trusting some professionals, unfortunately, it has eroded, over time because when their good health was adversely impacted, no one bothered to care.
It takes more than a unicorn to undo the injustice that our health care system has so carelessly and recklessly bestowed upon those who have been so badly maltreated by those who are suppose to care.
I would rather put my trust in the unknown and would have more faith in the Unicorns, leprechauns, fairies, pixies and any other mythical creatures, any day, then put my trust in those who sprinkle ‘bull dust’ all over my mental integrity.
Let’s all make a wish and have all those who have wronged us, placed in a bubble and watch them disappear and shrink, right before our very eyes.
Fiachra says
This attitude is still alive and well, but not necessarily connected to being Irish, Female or “Criminal”.
https://theconversation.com/alias-grace-how-irish-migration-and-the-female-criminal-mind-were-viewed-in-the-victorian-era-99227
When I communicated to my Historical Psychiatrist in Ireland circa
1985/86, that my Recovery had taken place, as a result of stopping medications suitable for Schizophrenia + and that these drugs had been the cause of my Suicidal Hospitalizations, he registered shortly afterwards as a Non Specialist Doctor in Ontario Canada Reg No 57892.
Years later when I communicated the same information to my then GP at London W2 5LT circa 2011, he was asked to leave the Surgery within a year on account of his own Mental Disorder.
When I demonstrated with documentary evidence to his replacement at London W2 5LT in 2012, that my historical Irish Doctors had attempted to suppress Adverse Drug Reaction (putting me at future Risk) – he was terrified. By the end of the interview his shirt was wet through and sticking to his body.
He asked me to show him evidence of wellness in the UK. This wasn’t a difficult thing to do, as I’d never had treatment in 30 years the UK, I’d never been disabled in the UK , and the industry I was employed in required registration.
The doctor then gave me with explanation, in writing (3 times) with signature that “schizophrenia” had been removed from my notes. But a month later I could see “Schizophrenia” still on the system. The doctor then provided me another signed letter with explanation completely contradicting the 3 letters he’d previously written.
I then made a complaint to the GMC as I considered the doctors behaviour to be out of place. The GMC though polite were not prepared to proceed with my complaint. In a letter to me in May of 2013 the GMC* stated that in their view the doctors behavior would not affect the doctors ability to practice medicine safely.
In July of 2013 my GP was involved in a Patient Fatality.
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/sailor-died-from-internal-bleeding-after-ae-sent-him-to-minor-care-unit-10288447.html%3Famp&ved=2ahUKEwjv7YW60cncAhXKDMAKHWrwDckQFjAAegQIABAB&usg=AOvVaw34oVKlmgMe8v-NJW67s4Gu&cf=1
In my view my GP had already demonstrated Serious Mental Disorder to the GMC previous to this event (- he’d been traumatised).
*But what does the GMC s “Judgement” say about the Reliability of ANY Mental Health Diagnosis in the UK?
Ronda Richardson says
I was also diagnosed Bipolar 1 in 2004. I spent 13 years on a 10 med cocktail. I am now off meds and not in treatment, but my diagnosis plagues me. Your essay showed up at the perfect time. It is so hard to get a label removed once it has stuck.
Krista Hartmann says
Ronda, my heart breaks for you.
I hope you will read the further posts to understand the leverage I had to bring to bear to force someone to listen and ACT in my best interests, as they are mandated to do. It was ‘good news/bad news’ for me. Ironically, if I had not been put into yet another harrowing side effect crisis AND knew the medical term ANAPHYLAXIS (not an unusual term for an adult), I would have yet again been dismissed with ‘melodramatic complaints’.
I had to make my own rules as there isn’t any “How to…” pamphlets, websites, or support groups helping you cut that malignancy out of your file…
Are you in the U.S.? . .
Carla says
What Really Worries Me
What if you were incorrectly diagnosed with a disease that was not true?
What if you had a disease and they made it out to be something more sinister, what would you do?
What if something else was causing your disease?
Would you not want to get down the bottom of the cause of your disease?
What if the doctors, labs and the rest of the medical entity, went along with this charade and ruined your life because you believed something that was not true!
The system and the processes are not robust.
How can one discern and draw a fine line between insincerity versus genuineness?
These days, people are doing things for all the wrong reasons.
I feel like my voice has never been heard or did not matter!
When it comes to anything in life, unfortunately I do not take everything as gospel.
I am one of those people who thinks outside the box and don’t trust anyone because of my unpleasant experiences.
When I got very sick, the whole process was flawed and dysfunctional.
I felt like the industry was treating me like a cash cow and was not overly concerned about my general well-being.
There was lies, lies and nothing but more lies being thrown in my face, from every angle imaginable.
Why get a second opinion, if they all follow the same mantra.
It is like a tribe looking out for one another.
I believe if you try to do the right thing, you will be bullied and singled out.
Honestly, the tests that they put you through, are not only invasive but inaccurate.
Do we really believe everything that is told to us?
When we are vulnerable and coming from a place of fear, we react and just do what is asked of us, because we believe everything which is told to us as being true.
I was told to go through so many tests and procedures, when I was very ill.
If the pills did not kill, the invasive tests, additional pills and procedures would have finished me off.
What do you do when you see someone go through something you do not want them to go through?
What if your gut instincts are so strong, that you see something that others can not see.
Time and time again, you hear and see people go through the same journey you know one is about to go through and you know that the outcome is not always favourable.
I believe and have faith in a higher being that oversees injustices on so many levels.
Why put someone through relentless suffering and pain because one believes that there is a cure for a disease?
Does anyone have a moral conscience about what is right and what is wrong?
If tests can be flawed and manipulated to make one believe that they have something when it may mimic the same condition of a particular disease, do you just go on blind faith alone?
I never question God because he is everywhere.
He is in the consciousness of every being.
Where is the compassion and empathy when one knows that you can alter the journey of someone’s life if they knew that one option does not exceed another.
We are intelligent by nature however, some lack the understanding of quality of life.
If medicine is so advanced, why are cures never discovered?
I would never place my trust in a system that left me in a lurch when I needed some support and proper care.
I would never wish any kind of harm to any person, unnecessarily.
Life is a journey ~ not a final destination.
Life should be upheld with dignity and given the fluidity to live without suffering.
I suffered tremendously and would never wish what I went through upon any living being.
Sadly, medical intuitiveness is seen as a curse.
If something that is not clearly understood or accepted, is feared and seen as unacceptable by many, why are we a threat to anyone.
Mine comes from a place of love: Not fear or ego!
I feel like I have failed on so many levels because when we all face that crossroad, some run and some stay.
I do believe that there are so many good people out there however, they are blemished or bamboozled by a system that does not care.