Editorial Note: This post is about an issue covered before – the effects of antidepressants on relationships – see My Wife Has Left Me. This post had thirty-four follow-up comments which show that this issue gets at the heart of doctoring – what do you do when a wife or husband tells you the SSRI their partner is on has changed their personality and this wish to leave the marriage is something their partner will regret when they finally do stop treatment. What do you do? Do you insist the partner has a “holiday” from treatment?
There was also an internet thread on similar topics some years ago. We would like to hear from others with similar stories. SSRIStories.org might provide a home for this topic which contrasts curiously with attitudes people have to a wife or husband who kills their partner while on treatment. This will feature in next week’s post.
Jane and her husband John are professionals in their early forties. They have three children under the age of twelve. They met in university twenty years ago. John was something of a pessimist, but he had a very gentle, caring and sensitive side, which is what appealed to Jane. He had another side, too. He could be sarcastic and make comments with a cruel edge to them.
John is extremely intelligent, an analytical thinker and a formidable opponent in an argument. He excels at work, and tends not to do anything by half-measures. Whatever he does, he goes all out, whether it is drinking alcohol, exercising, smoking, or arguing. He likes to be in control and often dictated what the couple did with their spare time.
John found that shift work and the working patterns of his job negatively affected his moods and anxiety levels, so he decided to move work to an area that would also be more ‘child friendly’. He enjoyed the new more regular work regime. When the children came along, the sleep deprivation that kids can bring again affected his moods and anxiety levels. The family moved, and John upped his hours to pay for the mortgage.
When a professional law suit was issued against him, his anxiety levels got worse. He started to exhibit OCD-type behaviors, became indecisive, felt bleak, talked about suicide and ending it all. He began to drink heavily and his contribution within the family declined over a couple of years and finally ceased altogether.
His GP decided that he was depressed and prescribed Zoloft. John stopped drinking and his anxiety waned. He started to read and spend time with the family. After a few months the GP doubled the dose of Zoloft. A few weeks later John suddenly started wanting to exercise and get out. He immediately took on a major exercise routine and overdid this until he hurt himself. He saw a therapist for a couple of sessions and came back positive and reported feeling a lot more like his ‘old self’. His wife Jane agreed that he was more optimistic, caring and more like the man she fell in love with. After a month he stopped therapy and returned to work.
Over the next while he seemed to regain his zest for life, enjoying everyday things, was fun to be around, and took an interest in others. Holidays were good, and he felt like an active part of the family again. He had started to drink moderately, and was exercising regularly. It appeared that he was in control and stable again.
His GP suggested that John try and reduce the dose of Zoloft, which he did without telling his wife. This partial withdrawal made him ‘manic’. He began to drink heavily and got excited easily. He did odd and atypical things and spent money he did not have on expensive items he did not need. He signed up to take courses
His drinking was so heavy he was having memory blanks and collapsing. He decided that the problem was the lower dose of Zoloft and he decided that he simply couldn’t manage on less than 100 mg/day. In his mind it was like someone with a thyroid problem who cannot do well without their medication.
John switched back to 100 mg of Zoloft but his heavy drinking continued. He obsessed about changing careers again saying that he was dissatisfied – new course fees were paid and he bought an expensive laptop for himself. He was spending all the family’s discretionary income on himself. Jane and John stopped renovating the house, and shelved plans to build an extension.
John began socialising with people from his new job. This seemed to involve pubs, lots of alcohol and night clubbing, a very different life than what John used to live. He started staying out very late and coming home so drunk that he couldn’t get up the next morning. He jokingly commented one day that he thought he was having a midlife crisis because he wanted a tattoo and a Motor bike. His demeanor became increasingly jittery, and he continued to make expensive purchases.
Eventually John began to complain about his marriage. He was increasingly agitated and dissatisfied. He distanced himself from Jane and the kids, and when Jane’s parents experienced a health crisis, he remained detached and uninvolved. By this time, he had exchanged his former friends for a new social circle.
Several weeks later, John announced that he no longer loved Jane enough to stay married to her. He made no effort to salvage the relationship and it turned out that he had been having an affair for several months. Jane was devastated. The man she loved and married had been replaced by an insensitive, self-centred and distracted heavy drinker who sees nothing wrong with abandoning his family.
Jane is convinced that Zoloft is responsible for this change. John’s doctor says that all the reports he has are that John is doing his day job fine and in the circumstances therefore there is nothing he can do to intervene and he cannot stop the medication.
What would you do?
Taper SLOWLY off of the psych meds. These drugs cause reckless behavior, alcohol cravings, tolerance (where you go into withdrawal ON the drug), dependence and horrific withdrawal and they change your brain and thus who you are and how you behave and feel and think and act.
Get the liquid Zoloft and come off NO MORE than 10% (or less, depending on what your body can handle percentage wise in reductions- some can handle only 2.5%-5% w/ each “cut”) of your CURRENT dose every 2-6 weeks, listening to the body and not reducing again until the withdrawal effects from the previous reduction have worn off.
Hi there, I was on an old time medicine after trying many over the course of 16 years. I finally found one that worked called Ellavil, or amytriptyline as a generic. It worked! I was managed! But I still struggled with the Major Depression and BPD..it made it easier to hide it..and then one day I felt strong..after a series of unfortunate events, I went off on a BPD episode, fr lack of a better way to put it, I felt like I could finally make the life i wanted…and I left a 24 year marriage. WHAT A MISTAKE. I ended up dealing with abandonment myself, after abandoning my marriage.
I took 500 of the ellavil, because they said it would eventually shut down my kidneys. I had that many because i was overprescribed and they were always saying they may have to take me off the one drug that worked for me. …well, everything shut down except for my kidneys and my brain and heart and I am now trying to sort out what is the fallout of years on the med – 100+ weight gain, loss of teeth due to dry mouth from the med, and now what look to be kidney problems.. I had tried Zoloft and almost lost my job due to being a walking zombie at work..it was one that didnt work for me..My search for meds went on between the years of 1983-1996, I have lots of insight into drugs that were new and some that were old from those years. am happy to help discuss if you find it helpful..I am now med free and struggling..
I pray you get better… prayer for myself helps when I am feeling down…sort of a spiritual surrender to the moment (all we have–a series of moments) I gave up worry years ago (no profit in it-doesn’t help, only wastes valuable time wastes time/energy). I try to be more to be more aware and accepting of what is happening in the moment–e.g learning to relax/meditate. “When you remove the world from your shoulders you notice it doesn’t drop.” Things that help: Walking, riding my bike, reading, watching less and less TV (I do not have cable/network) just Netflix. I rarely watch any news –if I can’t fix something I don’t want to get involved. I do write letters now and then to elected officials, but since there is little I can personally do about most news I just pick one or two things that are of interest to me–to care about or support. I don’t like to be alone all the time so I found a group to play “pickle ball” with –a bit like tennis. I also quit eating things that are bad for me–like ice cream, pastry, and most candy, which spike your blood sugar level. Also less and less coffee and not much alcohol–very rarely and only one drink. LOTS of B-Vitamins. I read that suicides were found to have very low amounts of magnesium in their body, so I take a good mineral supplement I find going to plays, or hiking or walking along the ocean make me happiest–along with visiting with my children, teaching myself to do watercolors. Finding simple things to make me happy and improve my physical health is my goal. Hope this helps. I wish you the best.
Were all of the antidepressants hard to come of off? Which meds were easier to taper from without anxiety and depression, or brain zaps?
My wife was struggling with depression. She got on Zoloft. I saw her go manic . She said she did not love me anymore. She had not swore or drank in all the years I knew her. She went from a Christian to a total non believer. Left me in two months. Her whole personality and character and all her values changed then she divorced me. Could Zoloft change a loving wife of 18 years into a total monster?
I hope you get this comment. I have found your post and am having the same issues with my wife at the moment. Unexplainable change in who she is in the last 4 months. She went from I have an issue with you as a husband to I want a divorce in 4 weeks.
We have been married for 17 years and have 5 children.I really need to speak with someone that has a similar story. I am really concerned. Thanks.
Hey Aaron I know what your going through. my now ex wife is a different person. Contact me at hoppejd65@gmail .com. zoloft and depression changed my loving wife into someone I dont even Know.
Hi Joel. I’m experiencing strange behavior from my partner as well and it makes me so confused. I feel so bad for him. I love him but he’s unable to show love, affection or time with me. Its very stressful. I will send you a note.
I pray this is not to late for you and your family. I have been happily married to the love of my life and college sweetheart for over 20 years, she stayed home and homeschooled our four children. she was the epitome of a good Christian woman! Then about four months ago our doctor prescribed Zoloft to help with some of her mood swings associated with pre-menopause. At first, things were great, then she turned into a completely different person that I would never recognize. she started sneaking around and lying, started an emotional affair with the person she met at the gym. Thank God I found the text she did not delete before things got too far.
I am not given her any excuses for what she did, but who she became on Zoloft was so out of character and someone I never seen or met before. I truly believe, for the sake of working through and saving our marriage, that Zoloft caused her to go into a manic state. We slowly decrease the Zoloft and is almost off it altogether. As the dose started going down, she started feeling more and more like herself again.
She cannot understand why she did what she did, we have a happy marriage, we love each other we do tons of things together. She said it didn’t make sense, but she could not control herself, she said it felt like she wasn’t even herself. She knew it was wrong, she knew she would get caught, but she couldn’t control her actions.
Again not giving her excuses what she did to her family, but it’s so out of character for 20 years, that I truly believe Zoloft completely changed her. I’m glad she was willing to stop it so we can work through this and for her to try to regain my trust. I hope I can!
I know this is a year later but if anyone has any questions about a partner that became manic after a ssri I can share some info with you.
My wife left me for another man in April 2018 after taking sertraline after 16 years together, happy and loving relationship with very minor issues. She started taking it In January of the same year and within four weeks she told me she didn’t love me anymore. Started having an affair in March and walked out in April saying she loves this other man. Mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org the story is identical
I have found myself in this thread searching for answers as my husband has done the same thing to me. In less than a month he has decided he is no longer happy and he met somebody new. We have been happily together for 9 years with a beautiful child. He met someone and in 5 days he decided this is what he wants. I am completely broken I know this man loves me and our daughter I know there is no way you can change that much in such a short amount of time, he is not empathetic or allowing himself time to think this through. He believes Zoloft opened his eyes. I don’t know how to help him see.
Absolutey, I m not aa doctor but I had a gf on them in 20s and wife currently while in my 40s.. Let address the real issue iresponsible doctors not knowing what they give patients.. I dont car what any one says my gf in my 20s was on them i remeber crying on the phone havong just left one of my best friends funeral acidental gun shot death i was thelling her hhow sad his childre etc. She interupted me to explain a new bag she bought .. finally after not know what she was dealing with we fought one day i left month later she commited suicide.. my current wife and i married 6 yrs and we have a lot of disagreement s and struggle we ve though about leaving but we noth vowed to make it work as the good far out weighs bad duriing pandemic she was prescribed high dose lexapro on on it for year lost bottle quit cold turkey no prior experience with ssri inhibitors doctor shred nothing she didnt even tell me she though so little of it well my loving wife said she lost feelings for me feels trapped seperated without discussing told me day one told me day two already moved in wit her friend day five telling me about her new bf min u 4 days earlier didnt want me to help her moove cuz itd be difficult i knew she was off but it wasnt until after she had a bf that she mentioned it cuz it came up while she moved for a temp seperation now she doesnt talk to me didnt even say merry xmas and month earlier we wer on steady slow stride of improvements when she realized she made mistake doing … doesnt matter… she has no idea it can be lexapro coomplains about severe headaches ichy handsand and when i complained about bf she was so twisted she thinks iim the crazy bad guy here what worse is misery loves company two friends that are bad people are always there to suport her new fun ruthless wreakless bejhavior wheen her good friends dont know whats going on just that somethings wrong i want to sue doctor for giving anti depresants for being sad when the whole worldd was sad … ya no hope to reconcile thanks docs
This is exactly what’s happening with my husband. Strong man of God went on Lexapro end of June got weird in November and we did 2 months of marriage counseling and he told me he’s divorcing me….. everyone in our life is shocked and we haven’t been able to figure out what’s happening until I saw this stuff on anti depressant side effects
It’s definitely the SSRI. Years ago there was a site That a victim created of literally thousands of stories like yours. The husband or wife goes on a Ssri and within a month they are completely manic and leaving their spouse. I actually have it saved to a hard drive because it constantly is deleted.
I would be very interested in this file or info.
Please could you share with me, My wife has been using Zoloft for approx 10yrs and has now filed for divorce.
I strongly believe the drugs changed my wife and ruined my marriage and family.
My faithful wife of 18 years went on Zoloft for depression. She went from never drinking to happy hour all the time from Christian to non believer from never a cuss word in 20 years to open profanity. She said she no longer loved me and became very with drawn and divorced me without any emotional feelings. Do you feel this is do to the Zoloft. Her whole personality and character changed.
My wife left me suddenly after getting on Zoloft. We had spent 18 years together with Two kids. She said she no longer loved me and just up and divorced me. I saw her personality and character change. She went from never drinking to happy hour all the time. She went from a Christian to a agnostic. I had not heard a cuss word out of her in the 20 years I knew her until she got on the Zoloft. Will she ever come back to normal? Is this the Zoloft causing this?
i dont think so if she does maybe too late it shuts off the part of brain that would rrecognize the changes get her to see thsrapist maybe she ll trust a pro telling her and still be angry or upset but hopeffully curb the life changing episodes.. my wife said to much damage from her cheating while on lexapro she had a self disvory and instead of appply new insight she said too much damage i want start fresh with afriend she confided in that lives with his mom grows pot for money and is nothing like the cookie cutter guys shes dated her whole life
I know what this man may be going through. He’s on the downward spiral – he will end up on his own with just his alcohol if he is not careful maybe a few convictions thrown into the mix, if his lucky enough to survive it all. I’ve seen it happen to a few people but it has also happened to me. Firstly the SSRIS are very deceptive they can make you feel detached, over confident and emotionally numb (this is where the “I don’t give a fuck drug” nick name comes from). You wont be aware its having that effect on you, you will just think everything is great so its pointless being asked by your Dr how you feel because you will just tell him everything is fine, the Dr’s are just as clueless as you. You will also find along side all those effects you have an immense urge to go out socializing but what your not aware of either is that you are actually suffering from the intense cravings for alcohol side effect as well. You will end up taking very dangerous risks because of the combination, this will just get worse and worse until something gives. Its a very dangerous trap to get caught up in. My friend got it right when she said to me it was like you were stuck on a runaway train, you can only get off if someone shows you how or you wait for it to crash. Relationship losses are sadly all part of it, he needs someone to show him this website it might help him realise before its too late.
Yes, this will not lead to anything good.
Some kind of intervention could of course save both John, Jane and their marriage.
But as far as John sees, that marriage has no emotional draw anymore, but I doubt he can explain why!
I too share alot with John, even some of the attributes he had Before medication.
The inability to see yourself what is actually happening, and I do not know what external force could make a man like John see it either.
For some of us, when on SSRI, we loose all sorts of emotions. Love, sadness, anger, excitement, sorrow, happiness. Our emotions goes to ‘null’, they become nothing.
Whilst other emotions gets distorted, sexual behaviour, alcohol abuse, violent tendencies, loss of empathy.
It is all a misinterpretation of what the medication does to a human.
The doctor cannot see it because he denies it can ever happen.
The patient don’t know to look for signs and what signs to look for.
The spouse is kept in the dark by not being able to see the Changes that may occur gradually!
This could be the ingredients for a marriage split up, or even something far, far worse.
Ove, i am very similar to john minus the drinking. Im emotionless often irritable often and feel completely like a different person. There’s no joy. On meds over 5 yrs religiously take them and am apathetic and can’t say exactly why.
These drugs are being prescribed, no matter the cost to families and marriages. Children’s lives are being drastically effected and destroyed because of lazy doctoring. Therapy, exercise and therapy are the only acceptable forms of treatment for depression or anxiety. Anyone willing to take any SSRI IS COMPLETELY SELFISH.
My wife and I had a wonderful marriage for 18 years. She was experiencing depression, her mother died in 2015 her dad is getting ready to remarry. She started Zoloft and I saw change in 1st week.. I saw her personality change and in Two weeks she told me she no longer loved me. With in Two months She moved out. She never cursed or drank in the 20 years I knew her. Her whole character changed . She started going to happy hour drinking and cussing. She is now divorcing me with no emotional pain or feelings. . She was a Christian that loved God , now she does not believe in God.. There is no question in my mind this medication ruined our marriage.
Joel I am in Australia – I feel very sad for what has happened to you and I hope there is some pathway you can find to get back with your wife. Meds are a disaster and I despise doctors that can change lives at the flick of a pen.
Stay strong – buy a ukulele, enjoy your time.
Can going off lexapro after many years cause a personality change? They have been off since March but feelings have changed while coming off
Yes it can
My wife of 17 years suddenly said it was over after I found out she was having an affair after she started taking zoloft. We have four kids and she has no emotion and feels not human at times. She only cares about when iam gonna take the kids so she can go out and drink. I love her so much we have been together since middle school. The signs were there I just didnt see them there was a point when she would say she didnt know who she was anymore and she needed to find herself. I’m devastated at this point in my life and my kids are the ones who suffer most. I pray I will find a way to bring her back
I feel your pain Brandon . Zoloft ruined my marriage. I had a beautiful family and loving wife. She battled depression. When she got on Zoloft her whole personality and character changed. She started doing and acting in ways I had never seen. There needs to get enough people together to sue these drug manufacturers for destroying there families.
Your story describes perfectly what I am experiencing. My wife has changed significantly since June of 2020. Wife of 17 years with 5 kids. She has lost her love for nearly everything she has loved most of her life. She is describing falling out of love, detachment, and desired separation. She has checked out as a mother on duties and is like an entirely different person after these meds. Sertraline. I don’t know how to describe it but her family has seen the change and see that she doesn’t want to be around them anymore. I am really concerned and looking to speak with others about what they tried.
I feel that I may be experiencing the same with my husband. He started his antidepressant about 2 years ago, he became distant, than heavy drinking and spending money and perhaps gambling. One day he said he was done with our marriage, done with our house, done with everything and moved out. He has said he wants a divorce. he does not seem to have any emotions, like our 20 years as friends and 12 years of marriage meant nothing.
I came to this site looking for
Similar experiences, my husband of 14 years says he no longer loves me and wants to divorce after being a month on Lexapro, unfortunately he has no desire to stop taking the medication as his anxiety has gone down, he doesn’t care about anything and anyone. He has no feelings and says I’m so wrong and only trying to look for ways to deny there is no love in our relationship. I am lost!
I read your post about your wife and Zoloft. We both are going through the same thing at the same time as you. Did your wife start staying up all night in the last few months like mine? Mine experience weight gain, lack of daily showering, change the way she dresses? Possible cheating.
The Zoloft changes seem to appear slowly over months, I am wondering where this is going.
My husband started taking Zoloft about a month ago and told me just a week ago he wants a divorce. No emotion. Just a few days before he told me he wanted a divorce he was sweet and loving and affectionate like he’s always been. But then suddenly it all changed. My heart is breaking and my kids are hurt and I don’t know what I can do to help him because he won’t even talk to me. How can this man I’ve been married to for 10 years go from an intimate, loving and very emotional person to cold, distant and emotionless. I can’t believe this is happening.
Same same same. However this is with my wife. No tears or emotions. Just stone cold. She went from let’s work it out with some counseling to saying I am not going to counseling in a week. 17 years, 5 kids. She gets hostile and leaves if I try to speak with her about us or what I see. This ends up reinforcing her beliefs that she fell out of love in 4 months. But her actions and posts on social just before that says she is having the best life in the worlds. This happened so fast and I can see what’s about to happen and I will do anything to help her out. Reach out to me. Thanks.
Going through same story
I am going through this right now. My husband of 7 years and 2 kids started taking lexapro a month ago and has gone from the most caring loving sweet guy into a mean emotionless robot. he says that when he thinks of the kids and i he just feels nothing all of a sudden. lierally a week prior to the meds starting he was telling me he loved me more than anyone in the world and were gonna grow old together. i got him to lower his dose 6 days ago and i feel like he is a little better but definitely not completely…hes stll pretty mean and detached right now. i wish i knew how long it takes for the side effects to go away completely.
I am glad I come across this post, I am in the same boat been with my partner for 22 years and have a wonderful 7 year old boy, I went through a complete break down 6 years ago to go through the same thing, walked out on my wife, was cold detached from realty and had no care in the world who I hurt, after being diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar I was taken of the antidepressants and my life started to get back on track. Now I am watching my wife spiral out of control she started on sertraline around 2 years ago and our relationship has slowly gotten worse over time, the doctor told her to take 75mg to reduce from 100mg by taking 50mg one day then 100mg the next and continue this, this started around 3 months ago and she has now a completely different woman, we where working things out but then one day walked in and told me I need to leave, she wants to be separated and no longer loves me but hates me, don’t want to be around me and has no emotions towards me, I was suspicious of her having an affair as she has been messaging a guy from work, when I confronted her on this she would get angry and then blame me for checking up on her and being stupid and it’s all in my head, I eventually caught her messaging him and found the messages and confirmed that there was sexual messages/pictures involved however she says nothing has happened, she thinks nothing is wrong and there friends having a laugh, she don’t seem to care or know what she wants when I say is this what you want 100% she says she is not sure, after saying I will stay to work this out if she removes this person from the equation but she is telling me she don’t know if she wants to or get help and won’t listen when I try to explain what these drugs are doing, I am trying to hold on heart broken as I am now worried that she is so cut off that she will do something that there is no going back from.
I feel helpless and not sure what to do.
I’m so discouraged. I think this is a wonderful website for everyone to vent & relate, but no answers.
My 16 year old teen daughter started on Sertraline Zoloft for anxiety & although it did help her calm the anxiety & depression, in a matter of just 2 weeks her personality changed & for the worse!. My sweet, loving girl started to act cold & numb towards her father & I.
If I asked her to do something like watch her sister while I went to the grocery store, she would lash out at me daily. If we corrected her for being disrespectful, she would tell us to shut up & walk away, or she would scream & curse & call us bad parents & other ugly names, disrespect us & sometimes try to physically hurt me. My daughter never did these things before Zoloft. She was a sweet, kind, smart, loving, quiet, shy girl!
I don’t know what to do. We can’t live this way. I despise her pediatrician for recommending Zoloft. I feel like all the SSRI drugs out there might be a plot to destroy families, because I keep reading over & over how they yes, help anxiety & depression, but then destroy relationships! That is not a good trade!!! And yes, if Dr asks patient how she feels, she says great, because she can’t see the changes. God help us!!!!!
Why don’t you stop her drug?
Ideally record her behaviour before and after – might take some weeks off
As I read your stories I have tears running down my cheeks. I lost my faience whom I was with 12 years and knew her since kindergarten. I know this women better than myself. She was experiencing depression because of her kids who had been in some trouble. I saw a change with less than 2 weeks. She changed into someone I don’t know. We were so close and in love. She mentally abused me saying horrible things. It destroyed our sex life which was incredible. She stopped talking about God. We texted everyday for 12 years pretty much all day. We went from that to her saying don’t text me anymore! Do come by work for lunch I don’t have time she said. She used to ask me a couple times a week to come by for lunch. I’m a musician and we shared the love of music. She loved country and a couple of bands she loved big time. Within a month she told me You know I don’t like country music it gets on my nerves !! She lied and cheated on me. Her relationship with my family was perfect especially with my daughter and mom. When she left and moved in with a guy she barley knew she has never spoken to me or my family again. It’s been a year and 4 months. It’s ruined me. I’m afraid of love now. My doctor recommended I take an antidepressant!!!!! You couldn’t force me to take that poison with a gun to my head. I 100% blame the drug/poison!! I have 2 old phones and one I use full of loving text messages until she took that crap then it all changed. I’m devastated. I feel betrayed and cheated. I don’t know if she will ever go back to normal or not but a lot of damage was done by a once kind loving amazing beautiful Christain women I knew my whole life. I almost ended my life but my daughter called me just when I was going to do it and saved me . She still doesn’t know. God made her call me !! I could go on and on about the change. I pray for all of you going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone ever. Im forever broken hearted over this. Something has to be done about this junk before more lives are ruined. Thank you chris
I don’t think primary care or general practitioners should be allowed to prescribe medication for mental health. I believe a person should see a professional provider and after multiple sessions and only IF talking isn’t enough then MAYBE try meds.
A lot can be helped by talking.
My husband of 20+yrs was on Zoloft for a short period of time and whenever we would have a disagreement he’d say “We should just get divorced.” Divorce was his answer to everything. He switched councilors and his new Dr. took him off that crap. We still have disagreements but at least now divorce isn’t his answer to fix things. I pray for each and every one of you and your families.
wife went on lexapro over yr without mentioning she didnt know how serious they were doc gave her these when her mother passed which grieving is normal no need to ddamper. she quit cold turnkey but i noticed her behavior dfferent she started stying with friends half the week dut “commute” 2months lateer shes say she doesnt have feelings any more seperates moves in with friend and is dating some guy that isnt up to normal standard. shes taking risks changing around the life we worked hard to build felt trapped. and said it like reading cue cards …ssri inhibitors should have warning and shouldnt be prescribed to married people its a relationship axe..
Wife has suffered depression most her life. She is 40 years old. Married almost 8. Never fought. 4 small kids Started taking anti depressants. Says she wants divorce. Not in love anymore yet two weeks prior says I want to grow old. She is so cold hearted. Interested in finding apartment and leaving ASAP. We were always an example of having “the perfect marriage”. My life and the kids will now be destroyed
Same story . Married 34 years I thought my wife starting changing 4 years ago when her father died. Told her she was cold and constantly giving me “shade” .Lost libido It got worse when she left me alone for the weekend when I gave covid and pneumonia and trouble breathing . After that I was done .
I didn’t realize until a month after that it wasn’t her father dying , it was the therapist putting her on this poison . I have decades of declarations of love , devotion , her respect for me as a man and as a father. They all follow the same script like zombies . Nothing makes sense and yet THEY don’t see it . They are “medically spellbound “. And the damn doctors and therapist don’t warn anyone . Her therapist told her it’s a child’s dose . It’s not , it’s 10mg of Lexapro . Also says she knows she smokes and drinks on them . And they NEVER say it is hell to try and stop . They are ruining people and families at a record pace . The only difference between this and the opioid crisis is that we are mourning our victims while they are alive
A few years ago whilst pregnant, my wife lost her mother who was also like a best friend to her.
She’s struggled ever since and I’ve tried to be understanding, supportive and a shoulder to cry on. After a couple of years she didn’t seem to be improving, and starting showing a bit of a nasty, bitter attitude to life in general that she did not have before.
I tried to suggest she talk to a professional as I felt it was having a negative affect on her life and relationships with friends and family, but she never followed it up.
I work away from home for long periods of time and I became aware that she was becoming very secretive, and didn’t seem to have any issues lying to me about anything from minor things to major ones.
She’d kept her cannabis habit secret from me for a long time before I found out, and I’ve recently become worried about her drinking. Any attempts by me to try and help her realise these substances are depressants, and will never solve her emotional issues, only fell on deaf ears.
A couple months ago she told me her GP had put her on antidepressants (I’m not sure which kind or dosage). And it just feels like things have went off a cliff in such a short space of time.
I feel like she’s turned into some kind of self centred robot. She’s started falling out with the few friends she has. I try to get her to see the damage she’s doing to herself and those closest to her. But she will either turn it around on me and make me out to be the bad guy, or start making self pitying remarks to make me feel sorry for her, or even just flat out ignore me and act like everything is fine. It’s like she’s totally incapable of perceiving the effect she’s having on others.
Feels like I’m rambling, could probably have done a better job of putting my experience across. I might even come across as an uncaring arse.
But I practically gave up my life and moved across the country to be with this woman 8 years ago. Outside of work I have no one to talk to. My wife is (was?) my best friend but I’m not sure I recognise her anymore.
I want to believe she will come out of this and turn things around. But how can she if she doesn’t even realise there’s a problem?
I think if it wasn’t for my 3yr old boy I would have already left her. But the thought of not sharing a house with him everyday I’m not away working…without him I’d have nothing. That would be the end of me.
Just feeling so alone, hopeless, trapped. I’m not the kind of person to talk to others about my issues, but I’m all out of ideas on this
That sound likey life. My wife kept asking me to leave the family house but she is an alcoholic. I did not want to leave my children in her hands. She hates me and I do not yet all I did was try to help me. Nothing I did or tried helped it was always my fault.
She gone now so I am much happier but the children are suffering which is the worst part.
My wife was on them for the last 3 years and she is not the same person I married. She hurt me so many times and the last straw was hurting our children. She left with the kids and had no contact except for three court cases which she dropped two. She is cold hearted, selfish, alcoholic, fat and lazy. That is not who I married and my wife is gone.