Editorial Note: This is part 2 of Natalie’s story written by her mother Kristina. The photo shows Natalie aged 18 at her graduation.
Abductor number three: 2010
Natalie’s tardive dysphoria remained undiagnosed, and the counselor recommended that Natalie see her colleague, a psychiatrist. The counselor’s records reflected Natalie’s fears about taking drugs. Natalie shared, “I’m afraid they will change who I really am.” Caught in a Catch 22, Natalie also wanted to get her life back.
Natalie’s dad took her to the new psychiatrist who was aware of Natalie’s adverse reaction to Prozac. The doctor recommended a “different drug.” Again, the doctor provided no informed consent, no Black Box info, and no discussion of risks vs. benefits. Natalie decided to try their new drug, Zoloft, after the therapist and doctor promised to closely monitor for side effects.
Such reassurance disarmed us. How we wish we knew to more thoroughly research Zoloft on our own. Would knowing Zoloft was also a SSRI like Prozac have saved our daughter from more medical violence? This sad reflection causes profound guilt. However, I’ve since met other parents whose children died from SSRI prescripticide. When they did ask about the risks and warnings, their doctors dismissed them as overblown and unnecessary.
Drug-induced mania and akathisia
Natalie sometimes laughed at inappropriate times, had pupils the size of flying saucers, experienced violent nightmares and showed little empathy. My daughter— who never even had a school detention—was soon identified as a behavior problem. Concerned by this new outgoing and fearless Natalie, I talked with the counselor and doctor. The psychiatrist’s records state “Mother wants child off Zoloft” and “Mother thinks Zoloft is causing nightmares.”
Natalie’s therapists apparently believed I was uncomfortable that Natalie was no longer shy. They thought Natalie was doing well. They perceived Natalie as empowered when she was actually suffering from drug-induced mania.
Soon Natalie experienced agitation and anxiety worse than ever before. I saw she cut herself badly and wanted them to look at Natalie’s scars. They did not. It was implied my request for such an examination was an invasion of Natalie’s privacy. I briefly considered taking pictures of Natalie’s cuts when she was asleep to show them instead, but I recognized if Natalie awoke she would be distressed and our trust diminished. I also worried that perhaps the doctor or counselor would report me to child protective services.
Instead of physically examining her patient, the doctor added another potion: Valium. Natalie told me Valium was “the only thing that worked” to decrease her new anxiety. Years later I would learn that during Zoloft drug trials, Pfizer also gave subjects sedatives to mask the symptoms of akathisia. Just as her predecessors had done, Natalie’s doctor increasingly viewed Natalie as an object—a thing to be modified by prescriptions. Seldom was my daughter seen as an individual human being.
Natalie’s good grades dropped dramatically. Her teacher reported a significant difference between Natalie’s behaviors from the first quarter to second. In 2013 we re-read this report. Something tragically relevant stuck out: the teacher observed Natalie would not sit in her chair and often wandered around the room. How could our daughter have gone from being too shy to sharpen her pencil, to being unable to sit in her chair? The answer: akathisia.
Abductor number four: 2010-2013
Armed with research and documentation, we sought another opinion. I provided the doctor with an extensive, typed history. I believed the 100 mg of Zoloft should be stopped and that perhaps it was prescribed at too high a dose. I asked about metabolism and noted Natalie’s petite size (under 5 feet tall and 110 pounds). The psychiatrist retorted dosage has “nothing to do with metabolism.”
We explained Natalie’s adverse reaction to Prozac and offered to provide all medical records. The doctor didn’t want the records, declaring, “I make my own diagnosis.”
Her response surprised me. But instead of running out of the office fast enough to save my teenager’s life, I fooled myself by misinterpreting the doctor’s declaration: I thought she wanted to make an independent, objective assessment before reviewing the records. I was wrong.
After years of being dismissed, derided, blamed and misquoted by doctors, I realized too late that I also suffered an abduction: My motherly instinct was gone. I arrived at the appointment convinced Zoloft was the problem but left undermined and defeated. I could no longer consciously recognize nor trust my judgment. It seems our society has gone from the belief “Mother knows best,” to “Mother knows nothing.” Modern medicine and the pharmaceutical companies have played a key role in creating this shift.
The doctor continued Zoloft and Natalie suffered more years of torture. As the drug increasingly caused faulty cognitive reasoning, memory loss, and destructive, risky behavior, Natalie was blamed for and held responsible for adverse outcomes.
When Natalie was 17, she wanted to stop taking Zoloft. The doctor’s notes reflect we shared this and received no information about tapering. Natalie stopped Zoloft but later asked to refill her prescription. She told friends horrible things happened to her when she tried to stop Zoloft. Natalie believed this was proof of her illness; therefore, she needed Zoloft. She never knew her suffering was drug withdrawal.
My daughter diligently took Zoloft during her last year of life. She was resilient and there were glimmers of her happy spirit. We grew close and repaired much of the damage “therapy” caused our relationship. Natalie started college, enjoyed a part-time job, and socialized with friends. Her college papers reflect Natalie’s optimism about her future.
Double, double toil and trouble
In November 2013, the doctor increased Zoloft from 100 mg to 150 mg. Medical records reflect Natalie shared she felt “overwhelmed.” She told the doctor she worried when she transferred to college in Washington state the following year, she might become suicidal. It is unimaginable the doctor never shared this information. Again, there was no informed consent, no risks vs. benefits, etc. The doctor conducted no tests. No assessments for akathisia, suicidality, OCD, metabolism, depression—nothing. She simply increased the Zoloft.
She also failed to inform Natalie’s caregivers that she directed a Zoloft increase. FDA guidelines state patients should be carefully monitored, and caregivers informed to watch for and report any unusual behavior changes whenever a SSRI dose is changed. The FDA must not believe this is critical, however, as it’s merely a guideline, one the doctor chose not to follow.
We noticed several “unusual changes in behavior” after the 50% Zoloft increase. But left uninformed, we made the connection too late. The last week of Natalie’s life, I noticed she was walking strangely. Her gait had turned into a wide stance-shuffle. I thought maybe it was due to her snow boots and planned to ask. I also saw Natalie, a beautiful girl who cared for her skin, had picked at her face. I asked Natalie if she had a reaction to makeup. Natalie replied, “I know what I have; it’s called…” She flatly muttered some scientific word, explaining, “It’s uncontrollable skin picking.” Natalie believed, as did her doctor, it was just another sign of worsening OCD. She added, “I think I have an unspecified eating disorder.” I told her we would find a support group and a specialist in eating disorders.
Natalie further explained “I felt this way in fifth grade.” (Note: We later connected that it was fifth grade when Natalie was hospitalized for Prozac-induced Serotonin Toxicity and psychosis, but the hospital misdiagnosed her drug toxicity as an “illness.” Natalie was reflecting on her new and returning symptoms, but couldn’t recognize all were adverse drug reactions.)
One week later, Natalie had a scheduled therapy appointment. She was feeling ill, complained of “swollen throat glands” had a fever and headache. She thought she had the flu. Natalie tried to sleep, but had terrible insomnia. She called the doctor to cancel her appointment. The doctor suggested they have telephone therapy instead. During their phone call, Natalie said she had been vomiting, discussed her “increasing OCD symptoms,” and Natalie cried. I later learned the psychiatrist instructed Natalie—without ever seeing her—to start taking 200 mg of Zoloft. Again, no informed consent, no risks vs. benefits, and caregivers left in the dark. Abductor Number Four doubled Zoloft the last 12 weeks of Natalie’s life. The doctor scheduled a follow-up appointment in two weeks. This is not close monitoring.
Two days after taking the maximum Zoloft dose as prescribed, Natalie was dead. She had valiantly raged against the dying light for nearly half her life, but was no match for 200 mg of Zoloft. She died of violent self-sustained injury, but did not die by her own hand: She was chemically tortured, suffered and died at the hands of her doctors. Their negligence was medical violence. As is typical of akathisia-induced death, Natalie, who was born a gentle soul, did not go gently into that good night.
On Natalie’s nightstand was a note of sorts. It read: “I keep coughing up blood. I’m not hungry. It’s time for me to take my meds.” It was next to the nutrition book Natalie read her last night on earth. The book was entitled, “Eat This and Live.”
After Natalie’s death, the doctor stated, “Natalie was not depressed.” She said she increased the Zoloft dose in response to Natalie’s increased obsessions.
Anecdotes are evidence
Sometimes we don’t recognize a story is a story until we reach the end.
Ironically, Natalie and her doctors had several “things” in common. While Natalie developed a lazy eye, they willfully turned a blind eye. Natalie was abducted by her doctors, and her doctors were abducted by pharmaceutical companies. They were not practicing medicine in the traditional sense of the phrase; rather, they were practicing prescribing.
After Natalie died, I turned to Google, searching “Zoloft Kills” and “SSRIs cause suicide.” I quickly found real stories of beautiful people—Woody Witzack, Candace Downing and Stewart Dolin—who also suffered SSRI-induced akathisia and prescripticide. Overwhelmed by the realization that Natalie suffered the same torture, I fell out of my chair. My child was dying right before my eyes in the weeks and days until her final breath. We simply did not know. We were not trained to identify akathisia. Left uninformed about the two Zoloft dose increases, the increased risks and need to report unusual changes, I was unaware Natalie’s change of gait, fever, swollen face, skin picking, agitation, eating problems, etc., were all signs of drug toxicity. If only we had known…
Each psychiatrist who treated Natalie resisted, challenged or denied the concerns about Natalie’s symptoms. Her doctors long ago swallowed the data fed them by the pharmaceutical companies. They endangered Natalie by prescribing SSRIs and abandoned her when she could no longer rally from their actions.
Are the pharmaceutical companies solely responsible? Of course not. The question is: “How do medical schools produce doctors who have no respect for the treatment relationship?”
To stop antidepressant deaths, doctors must develop equal relationships with patients and stop blindly prescribing. Many lives will be saved when “modern” medicine hears and values patients’ anecdotes as evidence. Doing so will reduce serious adverse drug reactions including akathisia.
mary says
Kristina, thank you so much for sharing your truly sad tale. Hindsight is such a handy tool – how different things could have been for Natalie if only the true picture had revealed itself sooner. One nasty side-effect of hindsight, however, is guilt. All the ‘if only’ scenarios that rush through your mind can be crushing. Kristina, despite these feelings, you have managed to give us the complete story – the whole truth of what happened, not only to Natalie, but to you as a family. Living with the regret that Natalie never knew her real ‘attacker’ must be extremely hard. Watching your daughter suffering in the way that she did is beyond description. As we hear quite often – “we would be convicted of cruelty if we treated animals in that way”. How true – and how ridiculous that, just because we are HUMAN animals, the same rule does not apply.
I hope that, by sharing your story, you may find peace in the knowledge that everything that you could do with the facts to hand at that time, you truly did for your beautiful Natalie.
Carla says
Dear Kristina,
A sad story, I can relate with so well.
I uncontrollably cried, until I could shed no more tears.
I am so sorry Kristina -so sorry the clinicians, meds and system failed you and your daughter.
I did not want to bring myself to read Natalie’s story but somehow, I mustered the courage.
It opened up so many wounds and suddenly I was blasted back to a time, in my life, when Natalie’s story became, ME!
I survived but poor Natalie didn’t.
I rebelled against my doctor when he wanted to prescribe me another med and somehow, I believe that ‘rebellious streak’ within me, saved my life.
This tragedy, could have been prevented if those in her care listened to the poor mother and understood what these meds were doing to her beautiful daughter.
If they listened, without building barriers, a bridge could have been created and Natalie would still be here, today.
When a draconian approach is used, tell me how this serves anyone?
If you try to speak up they corner you and put you in a compromising situation.
Mixing one drug with another, is just too painful for me to comprehend.
Doctors, do this every day, without blinking an eyelid , not bothering to comprehend what will happen to the individual who is under their care.
It is like a ‘time bomb ‘waiting to explode.
Why do they keep adding when they know it is going to cause harm or possibly an unforeseen death?
I’m sorry Kristina if I am saying it the way it is. You are not to blame. I could of ended up like Kristina if I continued to listen to my friendly GP.
When an unfortunate scenario happens, they are nowhere to be seen.
They treat you like a ‘nobody’ and this is how Natalie must of felt before she took her last breath. A scene that still haunts me today.
She was chemically intoxicated.
Natalie must of suffered internally, not knowing what to do.
Knowing what these meds are capable of doing and having some professionals stand back, pretending that what they prescribe causes no harm, makes me tremble with sadness.
There are no words to describe the culture of medicine.
They forget that they are dealing with human beings who have emotions.
These drugs destroy whatever good is left in us.
You are talking to the drug – not the person you once knew.
I can understand how humiliating it must of been for Natalie as well as her poor mother.
Mates protecting mates (Old Boys Club) culture of the medical fraternity, has to come to an end when it concerns the safety of a patient:
– Cover up’s
– lying
– lack of duty of care
– abandonment
– turning a blind eye to patients safety
etc. ……… should not play a part when it comes to helping one in need.
If I had someone I could talk to or a gentle massage of my head, whilst I was suffering, this would of meant the world to me.
No, I was sent home to suffer in pain and silence , add another med and be ridiculed and chastised by organisations who denied me of any help or assistance.
The little I received, I had to be grateful for.
They made me feel guilty if I asked for any kind of support, after the onslaught.
Hence, the reason why have very little trust in doctors.
The system severely burnt me and made me feel ashamed for demanding better care.
Is better care only for a selected few? I wonder!
I can’t imagine how many other poor people are treated, when they are faced the same situation.
Imagine in poorer countries where nothing is offered. What hope do these poor people have?
Natalie, will be the light of hope that will hopefully bring about the necessary changes regarding the culture of medicine.
These medical toxins sit in the brain, especially after the blood brain barrier has been damaged.
When you eat toxic foods, it combines with the toxins that are already sitting in some part of the brain.
When all is combined, it induces havoc to the individual concerned. Brain fog, psychosis, memory lapses, neuralgia, brain inflammation/swelling, bleeding on the brain and other neurological problems
Now, I understand how people with Alzheimer’s must feel.
People who have been impacted by these medicines need to speak up because it could happen to anyone.
If we can all get together and raise an awareness about issues that are considered taboo, we might somehow have some ‘glimmer of hope’when it comes to improvements regarding the health care system.
By creating awareness, people who may reach for the script, may reconsider before taking a leap of faith in these medicines.
We may inspire people to research safer alternatives.
I wish you all the best Kristina.
Kristina was not alone.
There are people like myself, that can relate very well with Natalie’s story.
Have faith that something good will come out of her story.
All my love and blessing to you and your family, Carla
Kristina says
Dear Carla and Mary,
I sincerely appreciate your kind words and intelligent insights. Please know that I also wish you well and I realize our families’ experiences of medical malpractice and medical violence is, unfortunately, not unusual. There are hundreds of thousands of families who have lost loved ones to unnecessary and dangerous prescribing. Some victims have died while others have had their lives permanently damaged.
We must not be silent.
Regards,
Kristina
Rory Tennes says
Kristina
I read the story and understood every bit of it. I was treated the same way as your Natalie was but I survived. If you can call my life a survival. It is destroyed. I feel destroyed.
The second insult is not being able to hold anyone accountable for these tragedies. I tried, no one will admit guilt, wrong and no authority will recognise it either. So we must keep speaking out. We must not be silent.
Thank you for speaking up
Rory
Leonie says
I was dreading reading the second part of this story as I knew it wasn’t going to have the happy ending that we all wanted it to. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Natalie – she deserved so much better. You told her story so well Kristina and I think she would be so very proud of her mum. We can only hope that some other mother may read it too and thus save their own daughter or son. One day this era’s toxic prescribing practices will be seen for what it is – torturous overkill (quite literally).
Thinking of you both today.
Leonie
Kristina says
Thank you, Leonie. I know Shane is also proud of his mum. Our children’s lives were precious and our love for them eternal. Our advocacy can help keep others safer from medical malpractice and medical violence.
Always wishing you the best,
Kristina
Heidi says
Kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. As someone who has, so far, managed to live through a similar story (one that included serotonin toxicity and 200 mg of Zoloft with Ativan and Buspar for good measure), I know the pain she suffered wasn’t the only pain that was inflicted. The families of those who are injured by this kind of prescripticide are tortured as well. My husband, bless his heart, has suffered through my rages and hate and mania and has also been forced to bear witness to my frequent suicidal ideation. I have no relationship with my aging parents because they can’t help me nor can I help them. Sadly, this happened when we needed each other most. It’s brutal, tragic, inhumane, and so completely unnecessary.
What’s saved me so far is a lot of luck and my tenacious rebellious nature. I’m not certain it will continue to save me. But as long as I breathe, I will share my story and pass along yours in hopes that someone might be saved this kind of pain and tragedy. No one should live this nightmare.
May you and your family find some measure of peace.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Gigi Nowman says
It kills me that they continue to prescribe Zoloft when it was never approved for children with depression under 24 years of age.
My daughter killed herself at 15 in 2003.
Truth says
Zoloft is an equal opportunity killer. Woody and Stewart were 37 and, I think, 58. This toxic poison drove them to their deaths as well. How many more people will die? The “cut off” age of 24? So the 25 year old is safe, the 26 year old is safe? These are mind altering poisons. Their most innocent targets are children, but the carnage does not end there. The school shooters on SSRIs, homicidal and suicidal were both perpetrators and victims.
What can be done to reach a wider audience of parents at a time the push is on for schools to “screen” students for depression and anxiety, a simple way to promote more drugging…?
Kristina says
You make excellent points. I’ve thought a lot about Shane, Henry, Torin, and many other victims, these last few years. I greatly admire their families for speaking out and advocating.
We must work together to stop anti-depressant deaths. (I dislike having to hate to use the false marketing name “anti-depressants” since these drugs are shown in clinical trials to be ineffective at treating depression–and far more dangerous–than placebo!) Natalie was NOT initially prescribed SSRI drugs for depression. Few parents are aware that doctors prescribe drugs to children that are not approved for children.
Where is the Informed Consent? Are children viewed by doctors as simply human guniea pigs and cash cows for lucrative prescribing?
Regarding schools and depression screening, these events are often funded by Big Pharma and other organizations (National Alliance for Mentally Ill and American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) who take money from Big Pharma. (Just check out these organization’s annual reports and see the funding sources!)
Depression screening is simply part of their organized marketing plan to promote drug use in schools.
Kristina says
Gigi,
I’m sorry for your loss. If your teenage daughter was ever prescribed any SSRI drug (Zoloft, Paxil, Celexa, etc.) and later died from self-sustained injury, your daughter was a victim of “prescripticide.”
Even when people have no SSRI toxins in their system, they can still die from SSRI-induced prescripticide because withdrawal from these drugs is very dangerous. Withdrawal often causes akathisia and psychosis. The pharmaceutical companies know this, and were aware of these dangers long before they marketed their products.
I pray you have found some ways to effectively navigate the unimaginable grief we parents face when burying a child who was killed.
Truth says
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I gather there were no consequences for the ignorant, careless, indifferent, dangerous, and incompetent “doctors” and therapists who “first and last did so much harm”? How many people do they disable, injure, poison, and drive to suicide each year that they “practice” their voodoo experimentation? Their massive ignorance and total inability to act in a “healing” or helpful capacity is shocking. Psychiatry is a pseudo science and its practitioners are some of the most deluded and dangerous people on the planet.
You mention Woody, Candace, Stewart, and we are also aware of the tragedies involving Toran Henry and Shane. All these beautiful spirits lost because of toxic poisons prescribed for no good reason, with no informed consent or warning or monitoring. As Peter Gotszche has stated, these drugs need to be banned; they do far more harm than good.
Natalie’s story should be sent to every psychiatrist “practicing” this evil craft and forwarded to the schools where these lunatics receive their “education. The education that somehow encourages them to poison children with Ritalin, SSRIs, antipsychotics, and “mood stabilizers” for what are often simple human problems in living. How much longer can this go on?
Kristina says
No consequences at all. We requested Natalie’s medical records from her final abductor who directed the Zoloft increases that caused Natalie’s death. The doctor said many of Natalie’s records were “destroyed in an office flood.” Therefore, they were unavailable.
No computer files? No back up? No written notes that were still legible, though, perhaps “water damaged? Sure…
No justice for Natalie. Her death was followed by the same unethical practices on individual and institutional scales that caused her suffering. Lies, love of money, arrogance…
ayesha says
i took Prozac at 17 and a week later was on my 12th story dorm ledge. then for the next 10 years was given a list of mood stabilizers antipsychotics & anti anxiety meds to counterbalance it. 10 years later i decided to get off everything. i didn’t die from the withdrawal but my story is otherwise very similar with new drs not getting prior records, using scare tactics, no warnings in 2000, me complaining to my mom about nightmares and restless legs syndrome. how prozac-mania was supposedly bipolar. ive been off everything for 8yrs with a job, kids, etc no sign of anything that needs medication. those were 10 years of incredible struggle and financial physical and mental torture sprinkled with so many close calls, life detours & admissions. and no consequences for anybody who caused it. im sorry your daughter was younger and therefore more vulnerable.
Carla says
The biggest threat to humanity is not terrorism, war or ozone depletion.
The biggest threat to humanity is Big Pharma, ignornace and lack of compassion.
Mind altering drugs are impacting the very fabric of humanity.
All these drugs lead to violence, terrorism and global destruction.
The planet is in need of our LOVE and only when we come to terms with what Big Pharma is doing, then can we fully comprehend the extent of what major catastrophe we are dealing with. CB
Kevin P. Miller says
Kristina,
You kept me riveted to this tragedy throughout, even though I am intimately familiar with the details surrounding Natalie’s death. I agree with everyone here, particularly Leonie, who says that somewhere, dear Nat is smiling down on her Mom. You’ve done so much to bring witness to not only this tragedy, but millions of other similar cases worldwide.
I am so honored to know you and to have your powerful interview alongside Natalie’s words in LETTERS. Your courage, and that of the other Moms and Dads who speak out, will truly leave their mark — and lead to permanent change, once and for all.
May you be Blessed,
Kevin
Kristina says
Kevin,
I appreciate how you adeptly used Natalie’s diaries to creatively share her story in the award-winning documentary, “Letters from GenerationRX.” I urge people to visit VIMEO to view the trailer and see the film. Natalie’s segment is called “Netherworld.” Kevin’s film shines a spotlight t on SSRI drugs and decades of fraud. It is a film all should see.
I’m grateful for your talents, collaboration and compassion,
Kristina
Carla says
Is every organization being paid to promote these poisons?
What good does it do if a professional gets rewarded at the expense of someone’s life?
Advocates who swear by these meds will always say the ‘benefits outweigh the risks’.
What would they say to those who have been harmed and have died?
You would change your tune, straight away. Somehow, display some compassion for what has happened.
Turning the other cheek and chastising/joking individuals for their adverse experience, is a cop out for those who don’t want to know.
Just because it has not impacted you , there is no guarantee that it will never happen!
There are always two sides to a story.
Healthy debates include pros and cons.
People all around the globe need to be informed about these meds.
If the information is suppressed, those who have been impacted by them need to come forward and talk about their experiences ~ denial is part of our programmed belief that if it does not happen to me, why should I worry!
There are safer alternatives.
There are ways to notice the ‘elephant in the room’.
We can break the silence and stereotype surrounding these meds, by telling our stories.
If we are the minority, we should not be bullied or threatened, in any way/shape or form.
Our story can happen to anyone and pretending it does not exist is like saying, profits comes before people.
People matter and consumers have a right to know the truth.
If big enterprises hide it from consumers, we have a moral obligation to highlight the very information which is omitted.
Many consumers are coerced into believing that these meds benefit individuals. The clever marketing they use to entice people is just the beginning.
Encourage the people who have been harmed to: ‘speak up’.
How can an issue ever gain momentum, if our stories get swept under the carpet.
Are media stations being bullied by big pharma, also?
Natalie’s story, can be any child’s fate. Not just children ~ adults, also!
Turning a blind eye does not help anyone.
They subtly gather in the unanointed ones by displaying concern about ones mental health.
This is where the roller coaster ride begins.
They smear campaigns in public toilets, over the media, on the radio, in magazines etc…….. They get celebrities, clinicians, politicians anyone who is influential and has a silver tongue, to promote these campaigns. Indeed, very devious! I wonder how much money they get paid for promoting such a campaign.
People are then referred to relevant professionals and this is where the trouble is manifested.
They refer to these poisons as some kind of panacea for promoting stable mental wellbeing and giving people direction ~ what about seeking alternatives that don’t harm!
There has to be a moral obligation to one’s mental health.
Pills are the last resort.
We have to try safer ways before we believe in campaigns that promote general wellbeing.
Behind every campaign, there is something consumers are never told. There is a tragedy that needs to be told.
Are we playing a game of chance with our lives and if so why are we not being informed. Before we take a leap of faith, we have to find another road map that does not put individuals in a compromised position.
Natalie, is one story.
How many other souls never had a say in what happened to them and this is what makes me sad.
BOB FIDDAMAN (@Fiddaman) says
Present this to Pharma and you’ll be asked for Nat’s medical notes (even though they were destroyed in an ‘office flood’.
Present this to a medicine regulator such as the FDA or MHRA and you will be told that they don’t accept ‘anecdotal’ reports.
The above, even if they did have access to Nat’s medical notes, would, more than likely find another possible explanation – as would the prescribing doctors.
It’s yet another heart wrenching story, yet another candle to light, yet another statistic that will be ignored by those who are ultimately responsible.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Kristina Gehrki says
Bob,
I agree; Natalie’s death was another avoidable loss. The corrupt powers that be have collaboratively built road blocks to deny public access to justice and truth surrounding drug side effects and drug pushers. The collusion is an evil far beyond what most ordinary people can comprehend.
Alone, we can’t change this reality. But together, I believe we will live to see the day when truth reigns supreme. Towards this effort, I will personally do all I can, speak wherever I might, so that others might live.
I’m grateful for your kind words and your efforts.
Kristina
Carla says
Dear Kristina,
How could they make all her files dissapear?
I believe this is common practice when a patient is not given the proper ‘duty of care’.
The medical records are no where to be seen or after 7 years they can get rid of the medical records.
The scales of justice will be tipped in Natalies favour.
Natalie, Gigis daughter and all the other children, who will always be with us in spirit, will be a legacy for many children and parents out there.
They will champion for everyone.
To Kristina, Gigi and all the parents grieving, your loss will be a gift of solace for many because many parents will be better informed and will know how to do things differently.
I know I can get very vocal when I get upset however, I just don’t want to see people suffer unnecessarily. It feels my heart with pain.
All the beautiful souls who are with us in spirit are praising each and everyone one of you to help those who never had a voice.
I wish you all Godspeed, as you all embark on a journey to helping other children and parents.
Compassion, kindness and mercy will be given when we all come together and grieve and create a common goal ~ to cause no harm.
Carla says
You are absolutely correct, Bob when you say what you say.
Without any support from the professionals, one is left going from one rabbit warren to another, lost and distraught.
They must joke about us in the background, thinking that another fool is trying to be rise above their stupidity.
If the clinicians, involved, are such cowards to come forward and the FDA/TGA/European Medicine Association/MHRA/Government Organizations etc……. whatever, dysfunctional organization I have not listed ~ I would hate to think what they would say/do to us when we prove them ALL WRONG, one day.
There is still hope Bob.
I am not giving up without a fight because people deserve better!
Heather says
Kristina, I can so much empathise with what you say about being a mother and feeling desperate, seeing one’s child slipping away into a world of confusion in their head, and you fighting to understand, to rescue them. Our son Olly also died of prescripticide. His started with RoAccutane/isotretinoin for severe acne when he was 21 and then Seroxat in addition, to counter the low mood that RoAccutane often triggers. Put the two drugs together and in some youngsters, you get a mini psychosis. But the psychiatrists and GPs ( in Olly’s case) didn’t seem to realise or want to know, when he became super anxious. All that interested them was that my father had had manic depression. Once they’d got their headlights on that, they were like terriers down a rabbit hole. The wrong rabbit hole.
No one listened. In the end, just like Natalie, he kept going bravely on, battling against the akathisia and confusion, finally suffering voids in his mind from Olanzapine and Sertraline, which terrified him. He finally went, because (he wrote) that he wanted to give us our lives back….
I have recently poured out a lot of Olly’s story on the DH Blog, for the first time, finding somewhere for a great emptying of my pent up feelings of years of utter desperation. I go round in my head every night in a sort of circular thought process. What more could I have done, could I have saved him? For 11 years he suffered so bravely, was so misunderstood, such a beautiful soul, blaming himself for his ‘illness’ when all the time it was the medication and the arrogant psychiatrists. But he had just been a bit shy, maybe he could even have been on the Aspbergers scale. He was nothing like his grandfather whose illness anyway was triggered by major heart surgery in 1940.
Then, appallingly, i rationalise to myself that I I know he had to go because he was so damaged, he was just too tired to keep up the struggle and no one believed him who could help professionally. I couldn’t get them to see and he slipped away, it was as though we were all sleep walking into cruelly predictable tragedy.
I remember reading about the Russian Gulags and the torture, a long time ago. They did dastardly stuff to their prisoners, openly. What happened to Olly and Natalie and Shane and all the others is so so much worse, for it was committed by ‘civilised’ intelligent doctors and pharmaceutical companies, and we mothers fought to be heard, but were tripped up at every turn. I try not to think too much, or my fury will destroy me. None of these dear children should have ended like this, for absolutely no reason whatever. It’s the sense of powerlessness that kills me, and the knowledge that it goes on, day after day, ruining lives and I can’t stop it. How can this be happening in a civilised world?
Kristina Kaiser Gehrki says
Heather,
I’m just seeing your message today, and it fills me with compassion, understanding, and loving connection. Olly, Shane, Natalie, Candace, Toran–and millions of other precious children should have never suffered such avoidable torture and death. As loving mothers, we did all that we knew to do. As we navigate the endless path of grief, it is my hope that we can now do all that is possible to educate the public about the signs and symptoms of drug-induced akathisia and suicidality so that others will be saved from similar tragedies. Publicly sharing accurate information and advocating for transparency are the best ways to help others while honoring our loved ones.
Thanks for sharing the story of your beautiful child. I know firsthand that sharing doesn’t bring our loved ones back. However, knowing you did your best without all the information you needed–and that millions of other families walk in our shared shoes–can serve as a little ointment, of sorts, for our grief. You are not alone. No, it is not a civilized society in which we live, but there are many civilized people dedicated to making a difference together.
Regards,
Kristina
Heather says
Kristina, thank you for such understanding words, and for connecting with us with compassion and love. Those of us who have lost these beautiful children are the only people who truly know what it is to wake every day with an awful sad sinking heart, because how ever hard we try to find a purpose, nothing will ever be the same again. I have to make myself remember back to when Olly was 15 and happily joining in with everyday fun, planning for the future. When his smile showed that his mind was his own, and chemical fear had not yet engulfed it, bringing self doubt and taking away his self esteem. What joy he brought us, and even all through his suffering, like Natalie, he continued to do so, but how he kept going for 11 years, knowing now,m as I have since discovered in detail, what he went through, I just cannot imagine.
You are right, we can make a difference by joining with civilised others to tell our stories. But oh, how we miss our dear children. The worst part is remembering how they suffered and were so misunderstood. It’s so scary how doctors and other medical professionals make snap judgements and then pass the baton on and on, acting in a biased way against mothers who are only trying to use polite common sense to show that their young are seriously affected by medications, and not attention-seeking. These were shy, intelligent young people – the last thing they wanted was to draw attention to themselves, they just felt as though they were drowning and were reaching out their arms for help. And we loving mothers were pushed away by the doctors and staff, when we were frantically trying to warn, and to throw a lifebelt.
aimee jensen says
My husband has suffered with Akathisia now for 2 years and 10 months.
Im so sorry to read this story. It really is horrific. We have a support group on facebook with those suffering with it around the world and have lost so many to this. Thank you for bringing it to light. People need to be more aware!
B says
I am only just reading this, and I have cried so much for Natalie. I went through many years of a very similar experience. I wish I could hug all the parents who have lost their children to this, and all the children too.
When I hear parents grieving over this,
the dangers of these drugs become real to me. My doctors never believed withdrawal or akathisia was real, and I’m not entirely sure what I went through has ever really sunk in with my parents. They haven’t shown much curiousity about it. I think they resent me for the behavioral changes during withdrawal. I think they think that was the real me.
Jude A Langdon says
Just came across “The Netherworld” tonight. As I read your words and heard you speak – they were my very same observations and conclusions with regard to my son who took his life at 13 1/2 by hanging himself. From the age of 6 3/4 he was prescribed a stimulant that was powerful enough to change the arc of his stature and so much more. Little boys exuberant and full of joy have a “somewhat” literal target on them that calls for psychotropic meds to control them. After ingesting the poison for 6 years that caused him to have panic attacks – stimulants are anxiogenic – tourette like vocal tics, an exema associated with stimulants, suppression of his appetite, struggle to sleep as well as having suicidal thoughts, it was necesary to introduce an SSRI, Zoloft. He took this anti-depressant for less than 6 months and when returning to school for the 8th grade taking both Adderall and Zoloft together, he hanged himself over a disciplinary action at school for swearing. We had a trial for his wrongful death but it had no truth in it and California is one of the
states that cap non economic awards. This quite nearly negates anyone being able to have legal representation in a lawsuit due to the limitation of $250,000. I have enormous and nearly unbearable guilt and responsibility to be the middle man to have given him his pills each day that poisoned him to death. None of us understood then (in 2000) about psychiatry and their drugs and the lack of information (informed consent). I think it is purposeful that they have designed a system to “fly under the radar” of a naturally vigilant parent/mother.
I too questioned many things. When he couldn’t eat, I reported this concern and was admonished that if I pushed eating I could cause an eating disorder. So much learned through the psychiatrist’s deposition. Didn’t know the half life of Zoloft, very few notes over so many years but she claimed she remembered everything. She cited that Andrew knocked off someone’s hat as an example of his problematic behavior. Long after the trial I recalled that I had once reported that a TEACHER had knocked Andrew’s hat off his head. He was a fine boy and compliant as were we but he has paid the highest price for his submission. I envision that he has been laid on the altar of the pharmaceuticals as a human sacrifice – not as forthright as the Aztecs or Mayans in their beliefs. My son is considered statistically insignificant in the analysis of those who will suffer the worst effects. My husband and I divorced after 35 years of marriage and after 17 years with my son gone, I still cannot believe this is what we lived, what he lived. It’s the worst outcome of my existence. Of course, Andrew could not distinguish between himself and the side effects. How can an SSRI that causes impotence and sexual dysfunction be given to an adolescent boy rendering him a eunuch while other boys had erections, etc. This part truly tears me to pieces that he thought not only did he have psychological disorders, not normal, that his body confirmed that it was abnormal as well. OH GOD what torment for a boy to struggle with eating and sleeping and believing he was broken, disordered. But that’s what they’re selling to our children and somehow that involved us in colluding with them to take sanctuary in finding the answer as to what was wrong?????? The label is perhaps more destructive or as destructive as the med itself. I can never forgive myself for being duped. He was just a little boy, so innocent and good. I live in agony for my ignorance and relying on the “learned” estimable profession of physician.
Maria says
On another website it states Natalie died February 2013.
However, here it says November 2013.
Which one is right?
*The other website’s name is ‘FIDDAMAN BLOG’ by Bob Fiddaman.
John says
Read this, watched the film. Words fail me to be honest. So sorry for you and the other poster Julie. When the Doctors are not on your side its like a nightmare.
You probably get loads of stories come your way, mine is just another and it hasn’t finished yet. My loved one was given an antipsychotic against our will, and had the dose go to double what was promised within a few weeks. Then without any information on side effects, the Zoloft (Sertraline) started and got to 150mg within a month, even though he said he would never prescribe an antidepressant. At that point I was ringing suicide lines, sobbing on the phone to anyone would listen. The psychiatrist said “its working” yet within 3 weeks was threatening forced hospitalization. The patient was totally numbed, inactive, lost all empathy, did odd things, scary things, unresponsive to therapy. I had already been labelled a troublemaker “poor relationship with father”. They wanted to go to 200mg.
I don’t know why but I said no. I argued – it turned out they didn’t even know it was not licensed in under 18’s, and of course had not told us – that helped. They treated me like I was unhinged, repeatedly asking at every meeting “have you changed your mind”. Finally the psychiatrist said “actually, I never wanted to increase the dose, I would prefer a switch”, then tapered down (too fast), clearly panicked about persisent flu symptoms, did blood tests, and discharged us to another service.
I now work on the working assumption that every pharmacological thing they say is codswallop, and I am slightly ashamed to say I attack them on every phoney claim.
Michael Watkins says
I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. As a parent of a gifted child (who could be considered emotionally troubled when viewed through a psychiatrist’s lens) I can identify with the initial concern. Please release the feelings of guilt. Given the available information at the time, you did what you felt was right for your child. Your intention was pure. Your daughter’s consequeces were due to a misguided industry. I cannot imagine going thru this horror. And I thank you for having the emotional fortitude to put this story together. It will stick with me forever.
“How do medical schools produce doctors who have no respect for the treatment relationship?”
In medical school we learn the term “antidepressant” and assume that it is just like antibiotic, instead on being targeted to a specific bacteria, these medications are targeted to a specific emotional state. We are later taught that these antidepressants are solution to various other problems (OCD, anxiety, PTSD, etc…)
How do we change this?
Stories like this.
How do we get these stories into the minds of medical students? That is another challenge.