Ten Drugs Seek Ten Conditions

Editorial Note: There will be a post next week on RxISK and DavidHealy.org challenging you to take ‘The Macbeth Test‘ and see whether you should stay in the United Kingdom or not. This is a prequel.

Is there a drug for this?

Do you need a Statin?
Is your heart still beating?

Does your child have ADHD and does he need a stimulant?
Is he a child?

Is your teenager moody and does she need an antidepressant?
Is she a teenager?

Do you need a drug for osteoporosis?
Are you female and can you stand up?

Do you need a mood-stabilizer?
Do you laugh and cry?

Do you have asthma?
Do you get breathless when you run or cycle?

Do you need a drug for erectile dysfunction?
Yes.

You’re a woman and you think other women are malicious, evil bitches.
Social Phobia of this type responds to Shrewpax.

You’re a woman and you show your true feelings.
This is borderline personality disorder. We are working on a replacement for lobotomy, SSRIs might help in the meantime.

You’re a man and you behave the way you want.
This is sociopathy. It’s worth a stab at using an SSRI defence.

If you want the best for your Pets, we suggest consulting Dogs, Snakes and Marsupials 5.
If your pet meets criteria, take them to the nearest prescribing Vet.