Regula(to)r Woman or Mother: Wright as Raine

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October 11, 2021 | 8 Comments

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  1. Unless Laws change, innocent people who have died because of prescription medicines will have no voice. If the Law, Politicians, Pharmaceutical Companies and Medicos work hand in hand, this catastrophic onslaught of injustice will never end. When a murder kills with a gun, they are prosecuted however, when medicos misprescribe or end someone’s life with a medicine(s), what chance/hope do victims of loved ones who have passed away have? I just think there is corruption at all levels. How long can this injustice perpetuate if no one takes any accountability or responsibility for unjust deaths? Just a screwed up system as far as I am concerned! How do you know when a medico is going to give you a blank bullet or a loaded gun? I feel for those who take everything as Gospel. We can’t rely on ghost written literature either! Where do people get their honest information about a medicine? If we can’t rely on the so called reputable sources at hand, who the heck do we turn to?

  2. I have just got off the phone from a woman who works at the MHRA yellow card department.

    I phoned up to update my MHRA ADR (adverse drug reaction report), and to explain that I am still suffering from numb genitals, pleasureless orgasms, zero libido, and emotional numbness, at almost 14 years after taking, and stopping citalopram.

    I explained to her in detail the devastating effect it has had on my life: the ruined relationships with women, the missed opportunities, the ongoing feelings of emasculation, the ongoing suicidal thoughts, the suicide attempt, and the general day to day misery over 14 years.

    Despite telling her all of this, I had to almost force her to acknowledge the suffering this condition has caused me.

    Throughout our conversation her tone was formal, cold, and almost unsympathetic; and at one point, also came across as slightly mocking.

    I then went onto explain how I feel very let down by the MHRA, and how they haven’t taken any real action to help people left with Post SSRI sexual dysfunction, and how I feel I have been left to rot.

    I also explained to her how the MHRA is 100 percent funded by the pharmaceutical industry, and I got her to write down a link that shows the Guardian newspaper has proved this; and had exposed the MHRA’s ties to the pharmaceutical industry.

    She said she would look it up.

    I then told her I would like an official response from the MHRA, in regards to two questions:

    1: Now that Post SSRI sexual dysfunction has been officially acknowledged by the EMA, are the MHRA now planning to inform GP’s about the risks, so that they can give informed consent to their patients, before prescribing an SSRI?

    2: What is the MHRA doing to help people with Post SSRI sexual dysfunction? Are they looking into any possible solutions for people who have been left with the condition?

    I will let you all know the response I get from the MHRA.

    • Well done Spruce. I sincerely hope that you get a reply beyond the usual sheet that they seem to send out when any of us get in touch with them – usually through our MPs. Over the years I had quite a collection, none of them referring to the original question – more along the lines of them doing everything absolutely well already which, as we all know, is very far from the truth!
      I guess that you were honoured to have a telephone conversation weren’t you? We’ll keep our fingers crossed for a reply to reach you soon.

  3. Hello Spruce,
    It breaks my heart to know that you are misrepresented and misunderstood.
    I find that if someone has not walked in your shoes, some really don’t care one iota about your unfortunate journey.
    You have suffered enough physically and psychologically.
    If I was the CEO of MHRA, I would make sure that I you would roll out the red carpet and make you sit on the throne and give you the power to be heard. I would graciously compensate for all the unnecessary harm and mistreatment you have been through.
    I hope and pray that everything you have asked for will come back to you a hundred-fold because anyone who wishes good for their fellow man is surely worth my time and investing in.
    I am sorry you are suffering from something that was totally out of control.
    I hope that those in higher power demonstrate compassion to everything you have been through. Sending you all my positive thoughts, a virtual hug and best wishes. xxx

    • Thanks Mary and Anon.

      I just wanted to say a few words about how having PSSD has affected me over the last 14 years, and the psychological effect it has had on me.

      This is quite embarrassing, and I am not sure I could do this, if I wasn’t going under a pseudo name; but here goes.

      To be honest recovery almost feels like a mute point to me now. I have suffered so badly and for so long, that I don’t think I will ever feel happy again, even if I was to recover tomorrow.

      I feel deeply traumatized by everything that has happened, especially the repeated and prolonged nastiness from the medical profession; and the PSSD over the last 14 years has had a huge affect on my self esteem.

      I feel very emasculated, and humiliated by it all; which wasn’t helped by an embarrassing encounter I had in early 2020, when I tried to have a sexual relationship with a younger woman who I briefly dated.

      To say the experience didn’t go well is an understatement. Lets just say she wasn’t particularly understanding about my PSSD.

      There have been other embarrassing encounters with women over the last 14 years.

      I also had two other unpleasant experiences just before the Corona virus lockdown in early 2020, where I told the wrong people about my PSSD; and there were comments made, and on one of the occasions, I was openly laughed at.

      I feel greatly behind my peers in almost all aspects of life, but particularly when it comes to sex and relationships. I am a 36 year old man, and the longest relationship I have had is for two months back when I was 23, and it quickly fizzled out because of PSSD.

      I also feel I have been overtaken and even repeatedly lapped by people ten years younger than me, in regards to relationships and sex.

      While I had quite a bit of sex in my 20’s and 30’s, I got nothing out of the experience. There was no emotional or sexual excitement, no lust, no fantasy, no sensitivity, no arousal, no romantic feelings, no nothing.

      Even the worst time that I pleasured myself pre PSSD, was a 100 times better than any sex I have had with PSSD.

      If a penis goes in a vagina, but you feel nothing, is it really sex?

      I feel in many ways like a 36 year old virgin. I never got to explore my sexuality properly before developing PSSD; and so therefore, although having had quite a bit of sex, in a lot of ways I feel like a virgin. Feeling like this at 36, is not a nice feeling at all!

      I feel deeply resentful and jealous that all my peers got to explore their sexuality with other young people; and I feel I will always have a resentment at having missed out on young love/ sex, even if I was to recover tomorrow.

      I am going to talk honestly here, and this is quite embarrassing for me to admit; but I don’t feel like a real man, and I don’t think I ever will again, even if I was to recover.

      I feel deeply emasculated and humiliated by everything that has happened, and I feel even if I was to recover; any woman I would have a relationship with in the future, will be much more experienced when it comes to relationships and sex compared to me; and I will feel emasculated within any future relationship I was to have.

      Even if I was to find a younger woman, say 10 years younger than me; I still feel she would be more experienced than me, when it came to relationships, and enjoyment of sex.

      I feel what has happened over the last 14 years, will continue to affect me in the future; perhaps indefinitely, even if I was to recover tomorrow.

      I just know now, that things seem to have gone past the point of no return for me; in regards to me having a happy ending, and ever feeling good about myself in the future.

      I am sorry to sound negative, and perhaps I would feel differently if I was to recover, and I am going to carry on anyhow; but I can’t see me feeling happy ever again, or feeling good about myself as a man ever again.

      It’s just the truth about how I feel.

      • Reading this is so sad Spruce. You do right to spell it out in this way as I’m sure that many others – male and female – feel very much as you do but are unable to put their feelings into words in the way that you do.
        You sound as if you are accepting that the way you are is how you are going to be – almost as if you’ve now convinced yourself that being as you are is the lesser of two evils. Would that be a true picture of how you feel.
        It is a dreadful shame, especially since you have done so much to bring this condition to the public’s notice. I sincerely hope that you continue to fight on with your head held high for it is through no fault of your own that you have ended up as you are. Despite everything, maybe through your work someone somewhere will be awakened to the real problems caused by trusting a doctor’s prescription.
        I wish you well Spruce.

  4. Sorry to acknowledge your pain and suffering :'(
    If a woman does not love/value you, for who you are, irrespective of the given circumstances, Spruce, she is not worth your time.
    There are many meaningful ways to love a person.
    Till this day, I am so mortified that an antidepressant can induce PSSD.
    I am so distressed that you were not informed that PSSD could result as a permanent condition, from the antidepressant you were prescribed.
    Why would some professionals, keep this kind of information to themselves?
    If it ruins or significantly impacts someone’s life, you would want your patients to know about it!
    As far as I am concerned, people should not give informed consent to an antidepressant that induces this form of debilitating condition.
    The old ‘boys club’ culture, within the medical fraternity, certainly has to change.
    You cannot change bullying or some of the superior inferiority complex within the medical culture.
    Walk away from those who do not want to support you.
    You have been through enough, in terms of humiliation and contempt.
    I hope and pray, that compassionate people will come to you.
    I hope you find people who will not judge you but will be there to support you along your journey of accepting you, for who you are!
    I certainly do not want you to grieve, for the rest of your life.
    I also pray, with all my heart that you will find a fascinating woman that sweeps you off your feet and just accepts you, for who you are.
    Namaste, Spruce.

  5. Thanks Mary and Anon for your words of support.

    The problem for me is it feels like this PSSD has gone on for so long now, that even if I was to recover, it feels like most of the damage is already done.

    By the time I pull out of this, IF I pull out of this, I am likely to be in my early 40’s, or even mid 40’s; as I can’t see me recovering in less than 5 years.

    By that time, I will be middle aged, and will have lost my entire prime of youth; and all of my 20’s and 30’s, being very miserable, and suffering everyday from PSSD, and the profound emotional anaesthesia.

    I never got to enjoy going to nightclubs, and dancing, and listening to music because of the emotional anaesthesia; or travelling with other young people; or having sex and spreading a few wild oats with other young people; or all of the fun and drama of being a young person, and having relationships in my 20’s and 30’s.

    The problem is I still want to go and do all of these things, if I was to recover. I haven’t got it out of my system.

    In some ways I am like a 22 year old (the age I developed PSSD), in a 36 year olds body. Parts of my personality stopped developing when I developed PSSD.

    I want to go and sow some wild oats with woman in their 20’s and 30’s; I want to go out and enjoy the night life and music with young people, and re live the youth that was ruined for me.

    The problem is I can’t really do this in my 40’s without it looking weird and/ or creepy. And also most of my peers won’t want to do this, because they have already got it out of their system.

    So no young women for Spruce ever! For life! I will be too old.

    No music, dancing, and nightlife, and making up for all the times in my 20’s and 30’s that I missed out on; or all the things that make being a young person worthwhile.

    I don’t want to “settle down” and live a middle aged lifestyle. It’s boring.

    By your 40’s most people have settled down, or are in the process of settling down, and have got all of this out of their system.

    I feel that things have gone too far for me. It barely matters whether I recover or not now, I feel I will have deep regrets and resentments for the rest of my life; about everything I missed out on, and that a lot of things are already simply too late for me now.

    Also how am I to explain to any future partner about me having PSSD for almost two decades, and my limited sexual and relationship experience if I was to recover.

    I might be able to find a woman who is understanding, but there is no guarantee she will be; and a lot of women might view my lack of previous relationships experience as a red flag!

    In some dating circles they say if a man hasn’t had a long term relationship by 40, then that is a red flag, and that there must be something wrong with him.

    Well there is something wrong with me, I was given a serious sexual and emotional disability by psychiatry.

    I can see PSSD potentially casting a long shadow on my future, even if I was to recover. It can cause a lot of secondary psychological issues, that can be just as devastating as the condition itself.

    Then there are all the feelings of emasculation which I described in my last comment, which I doubt will ever leave me even if I was to recover; and are quite likely to affect any future relationship I might have.

    And the almost PTSD trauma of all the humiliations I have had to endure over the many years; and all the gas lighting and denials from the medical profession.

    I feel I am striving for recovery, only to get a life that is second best of anything I could have had. In fact that is not true, it is more like fourth or fifth best of what I could have had.

    Second best would have been if I had recovered after 5 years. Third best if I recovered after ten years. Fourth best if I recovered after fifteen years (present situation). Fifth best if I recovered after twenty years (minimum likely recovery scenario).

    I went from being a good looking man in his 20’s and 30’s, who had a lot of options with young women, and there were a lot of young women interested in me. And a few of them I had sex with, but I felt nothing, so it was nothing.

    By the time I recover, I would be lucky if a young woman would look my way once. In fact the only way I might be able to get a young woman, is by paying for one. And that is something I would not be prepared to do, as it would go against my morals.

    So while every single man on this planet, apart from a few outlying exceptions, got to enjoy being intimate with at least one young woman during their life time. Spruce gets 0. Not even one.

    To say I feel bitter is a vast understatement. I feel next level bitter and resentful about it. Murderously bitter.

    This condition has literally ruined me!

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